


Baby don't cry, Stay

by SwedishFanFictionLover



Series: Once upon a time [4]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band), EXO (Band), Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chanyeol is such a puppy, Death Threats, Domestic verbal fighting, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Humor, Jennie needs hugs, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Parents split up, Scars, Step-parents, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2018-12-17 07:00:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11846382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwedishFanFictionLover/pseuds/SwedishFanFictionLover
Summary: Jennie is in a battlefield between her parents and Chanyeol is her rendevouz.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo I'm sorry this is one day late but I got sick and I struggled a lot writing this chapter. Many things got changed from how it originally was supposed to be like but I like it as it is now and feel like I can actually upload it xD
> 
> I haven't personally been through how it feels to have their parents split, meet new people and start new families but this is my take on how Jennie deals and feels about it, I apologize before hand to anyone who feels like I don't portray it perfectly or maybe feels like I've being offensive to them, which I am truly not trying to be. 
> 
> With these things said, have a happy reading and I like always I apologize for any grammatical error or typos :)

**(ö_ö) ( ö_ö) >⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)**

 

 

I was conceived as a mistake by my parents who were fifteen at the time, my father was a beta werewolf and my mother a human. He had not imprinted on her as werewolves can only imprint once they’ve turned 20, some werewolves don’t even meet their mates in some life cycles but they could still find love and have families. My father’s love for mom was strong and true in every sense, there wasn’t a reason for it not to be and my mom loved him back and neither had the heart to take away a life so nine months later I was born into the world as Jennie Kim.

 

In the beginning of my childhood album there were pictures of us as a happy small family, my first steps or my first solid food and me bathing in the river with dad.  Pictures of me and mum dressed up for festivities, me pouting when dad and mom kissed and several more. From those pictures alone people would think that our family was content and that my parents, albeit young, were tackling on parenthood with ease and that they loved each other just as much as before I came along.

 

Lies.

 

Or not really lies, they loved each other, they truly did but as the days, weeks, years became fewer in terms of my father’s impending twentieth birthday my mother had doubts. Doubts about whether he would imprint on her or not, while there were cases of a wolf recognizing their mate before reaching age of imprinting it mostly concerned Guardian wolves even if there had been rare instances of it happening to an ordinary werewolf. So the chance of his wolf having chosen mom before the imprinting age was very slim and she knew it. I knew it because I heard her talk about it with her friends, I knew it because I felt it deep in my bones, my heart as I watched her kiss dad half-heartedly when she had her downs or that she flinched and avoided hugging or touching him.

 

I might’ve been small, under five but there were some things that children remembered and could pick up on, things that adults might even overlook or forget. I remembered nice things like how my dad always kissed mom on the lips before my head when he joined us at breakfast, I remembered the first time I got to eat ice cream and I watched my mom wipe away stray ice cream from my dad’s chin. I remembered scary things, like how during the bad periods where a new mug caused my mom and dad to yell at each other so loudly that even as I ran outside I could still hear them yelling at each other. I remembered dad flashing his fangs with deep growls at mom as her paranoid thoughts got too much, I got scared off him after that and the fighting between them only increased as the years went by.

 

My fingers wouldn’t be enough for all the times I’ve helped or cleaned up the mess of their fight by myself, nicking my fingers on stray chine or glass that mom or dad had thrown. My fingers wouldn’t be enough for the times that mom had slammed the door shut to their bedroom or stupidly believing that the shower would be enough to drown out her crying. My fingers wouldn’t be enough to count the times I’ve seen my father half-shift, causing me to fear half-shifted werewolves as my mind connected it to anger, barely contained and I was scared of the day it would snap fully.

 

It didn’t stop me from playing with the other kids much but I’d rather do it when they already shifted or in human form. If they did it half-way I would turn my head or I would leave the place all together. Some kids found it funny, enjoying how scared I got when they were half-shifted but they stopped it after some time when Chanyeol found out about it. Chanyeol never told me how he made them stop but he did and if he confronted them while doing so he never raised his voice or got mean about it, he simply told them to stop as it was not nice or he would tell his father Donghae who despite his soft looks could be as stern and un-yielding as his control over earth. Knowing this the other kids had run away but I knew from the dirty looks they had sent me that they would just wait for moments where I was alone but at that moment as Chanyeol turned around with his too-big ears that usually accompanied an too-big-grin but instead had a concerned frown I didn’t find myself minding or fearing it as much anymore.

 

Chanyeol, for some weird reason had always loved to stick to me. Even though he were four years older than me he loved to play with me – or at least try to get me to play with him while I usually turned him down – and whenever he wasn’t being by Rosé’s side he loved to weasel his way into mine. Even as I did it a la Kyungsoo style and usually pinched one of his big ears if he got too close or too annoying. It never deterred him, if anything he started expecting it and just smiled that big smile of his despite me pinching him or showing my annoyance with him. Still, despite my cold attitude to him I cherished him, he was really annoying at times with his cackling or joking he was also kind, protective but not overbearing and it felt nice.

 

Chanyeol grew to become my safe haven, away from all the screams and crying at my house and as if he knew why I demanded him to spend time with me at random times of the day he just acted like his usual safe and for a few hours made me forgot about the life I had at home. Whenever he couldn’t Sehun had noticed it, how couldn’t he with being my neighbor and having wolf hearing and had also begun to take me away from my home, blasting music to drown out their fighting and just making me forgot for a moment.

 

But those were just fleeting escapes and then the day came where the little fragile bubble my family lived in burst.

 

I was seven, just having comeback from playing with Chanyeol who had been begging me to come with him to the lake for a sand castle making competition which had been fun admittedly even when he declared he should get a kiss for saving me from a scary looking bug – instead of a kiss I had sweetly gave him an elbow to his tummy, gently of course and he had gone overdramatic and played dead until he laughed too much from me tickling him “back” to life. All in all it had been a good day, when I got back home mom were doing the dishes and the smell of a freshly baked cake wafted through the air. We were having a good period in our house, it was nice and I enjoyed it while it lasted so I sat in the living room after telling her I was back and were content to play with my Black Cat action figure.

 

Dad came home, I greeted him with a grin that vanished with the grave look he was sporting – leaving a cold, numb feeling traveling throughout my body as he gave me a look of guilt before going into the kitchen. I stared after him, expecting the crash of the plate my mom had been drying and then she started to beg. Beg for it to be not true. Beg for him to not leave her. I flinched as her voice raised higher and higher as did his as he begged for her to understand but she wouldn’t have it as her worst fears had manifested despite him re-assuring, promising her that he was sure he had no mate. Profanities were thrown as daggers, shaking I got up on my feet clutching Black Cat as I walked up to the doorway leading into the kitchen. Mom made a move to slap dad but he caught her wrist and told her it would hurt her more than him and mom screamed in anguish of his kindness when he had just broke every promise, every bit of trust and love she had for him because despite everything he had found his mate and it wasn’t her.

 

She started throwing the dishes or whatever came within her reach, dad trying to get her to calm down as she yelled at him about everything that had haunted her these past years and telling him to leave. Never noticing how I dropped Black Cat as a knife sliced my cheek as it flew by, the glasses shattering pierced my bare arms and legs which left a burning pain but I was too scared to move. The hands that had come up to shield my face dropped as dad ran out with an apology echoing in the room and mom who were about to throw a coffee mug dropped it halfway as her legs gave out and she went down to the floor. Hands slamming to the kitchen floor, she cried so much that no sound came out and I stood there staring helplessly as my mother broke down. I didn’t like seeing her cry, it made me start crying silently but when I begun to walk over to her I stopped as a searing pain went through my foot and when I looked down I had stepped on china.

 

Mom had looked up then, gasping in horror at the sight of me with cuts and my foot. I was in shock as she got up on her feet to haul me up to her embrace. The world blurred around me with how fast her human legs took her out of our house to the healer’s cabin where Ryeowook took care of me immediately. He patched me up to his best ability but told mom how there would most likely be scars left behind causing her to sob even more and she cradled me to her as she begged for forgiveness over and over again but I couldn’t say anything as I just felt a numb, cold seep through me and I shut down.

 

The next few days happened so fast, mom declaring that she and I would go to New Zeeland to live with my grandparents. Dad didn’t like it, they fought about it a lot and I could just stare and manically go back to pet my Black Cat even as Ryeowook and the High Alpha stepped between them fighting in order for them to calm down and take caution to the fact that a child was in the room. In the end my dad had crouched down to my level, asking me directly if I wanted to stay with him or go with mom. I had blinked down at Black Cat, thinking about it and felt a near panic building in me but it ebbed away as I looked over my dad’s shoulder to see mom hiding her face in her hands, dragging them up and down and my heart went out for her so I told him I wanted to be with mom.

 

Not adding the fact that I felt like I needed to watch over her, just like I had always done – being there to hug her when she cried and helping around the house if she had one of her bad periods and would just lie in bed staring out at nothing. Dad had been visibly hurt by it but told me that he loved me, that we would meet again soon and hugged me for a really long time and as I stared at my mother over his shoulder who visibly relaxed with my decision I knew I had done the right choice.

 

It all happened so fast, even if I had wanted to I couldn’t apologize to anyone as mom wanted to leave as discretely as possible to avoid the stares and murmurs of the pack members. In the middle of the night my mom had packed her car with our suitcases, dad was there trying to hold back the tears as he hugged me and told me we would meet again and that he would always love me. I didn’t say anything back, I hadn’t said anything besides replying to him with who I wanted to go with - I had gone mute, not wanting nor feeling like saying anything. When he pulled away to reluctantly exchange a few words with mom

 

I had mindlessly looked around the village, hugging Black Cat to me that had been a gift from Chanyeol on my birthday this past year. He was my most treasured toy, it felt re-assuring that he was with me as everything was un-safe and scary. Whenever Chanyeol had convinced me to play superheroes with him, Chanyeol had always let me have Black Cat while he used Spiderman and we could play for hours to no end like that, solving crimes and saving cities in the forest or in his room where he had build houses of Lego. I had been happy when he had decided to gift me Black Cat for my birthday, even going as far as to kiss his cheek and enjoyed the way he had whooped with his fist to the air.

 

Ever since then there wasn’t a moment I had been without Black Cat, when my parents fought I’d play with Black Cat and let him take me to a world beyond my house. When my parents thought Black Cat was there to hug me when I cried in the closet where the sound of them fighting wasn’t as loud. Black Cat was the perfect excuse to ask if Chanyeol wanted to play since Spiderman was her partner and she couldn’t fight without her partner. Black Cat let me be with Chanyeol, even if Chanyeol was with me in the flesh or just in the soul. I treasured Black Cat as much as I treasured Chanyeol, even if the eleven year old didn’t know it.

 

I looked to the Park’s house and saw Chanyeol standing in the window of his house. He looked shocked, sad and surprised me as he opened the window and jumped out. Before I knew it his long legs – for an 11 year old – had taken him across the distance to the parking lot of the pack.

 

“You… You’re leaving?” He asked, slightly panting as he stood there in his pajamas. I nodded, hugging Black Cat tighter which he saw and looked to my parents then at me. “Wait here, just a minute okay? Promise?” I nodded reluctantly, confused as he ran back to his house and went back into his room.

“Honey, we need to go now.” Mom said tiredly, she was always tired now. I shook my head side to side, refusing to budge until Chanyeol got back. “Jennie, please or we’ll lose precious time.” I looked defiantly to Chanyeol’s house, refusing to take even a step until he was back. Mom were probably about to say something but I heard her stop as Chanyeol jumped out of his window and ran back to me. He looked to my mom, smiling sadly before looking at me almost shyly before he held out Spiderman to me.

“Black Cat can’t be without her partner, right? And since I can’t be with you to make people stop being mean to you or play with you, Spiderman has promised he’ll do that for me so I want you to take him with you.” I stared at Spiderman, then up at Chanyeol who smiled and then I looked back to the toy and with my heart beating I took Spiderman which made Chanyeol smile bigger but then he looked surprised as I gave him Black Cat. “Jennie?”

“She’ll…” I coughed as my parents audibly gasped behind me, my voice raw with the lack of usage these past days. “Black Cat will play with you so you don’t need to nag at other people and she knows how to scratch your wolf after having seen me do it so… I’ll look after Spiderman and you take care of Black Cat and when I get back we can switch back and play again… Okay?” I said, looking up hopefully at him as he looked down at Black Cat in his hands before looking at me with warm eyes even as his face was put in a serious expression.

“I promise, I’ll wait for you to come back.” He vowed, making me smile and before I could change my mind I want forward to hug him tightly. Pressing my face into his tummy as he hugged me just as tightly back, we stood there for a bit until mom said we had to go and I reluctantly pulled away from the hug.

“Bye.” I said simply, hugging Spiderman to me as I backed to mom.

“Bye, I’m going to miss you.” He said clutching Black Cat to his heart and I simply smiled sadly at him before climbing up into the car and put on my seatbelt. Dad came over to hug and kiss my forehead one last time before mom put the key in the ignition and pulled away from the parking lot unto the dirt road.

 

I watched Chanyeol and dad become smaller and smaller in the review mirror until I couldn’t see them anymore and as I curled up into a ball in the seat I cried while holding Spiderman.

 

**｡゜** **(** **｀** **Д´** **)** **゜｡**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home is where the heart is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo finally an update, yay guys :D
> 
> I'm warning you guys tho because this chapter will be filled with some angst :'( but with an happy ending, promise :D
> 
> I don't really know what to say as I don't want to spoil too much so without further ado; I apologize for any grammatical errors and typos but hope you will enjoy this chapter anyways :)

**(⌐■_■)**

 

Living with my grandparents were one of the best things that could happen to me. When we got there my mom went into a period of depression, it was given and I had just been waiting for her to have her down since she had been so hectic and desperate to get away from dad, from the pack and from South Korea. But it was okay, I had grandpa and grandma who took care of me and helped me feel at home in their house. Grandma was part of the New Zeeland pack, she was a werewolf while grandpa was a human like me and mom. It was weird to be part of a new pack but also nice, even if we were in an entirely different country there were things that were similar because the pack dynamics with Alpha/Beta/Omega was the same just like how they had high Alpha. The children had been curious about me, luckily I knew how to speak English because of my mom and grandparents so I could talk with the other children yet I was too shy and a bit careful with playing with them, more than content playing with Spiderman instead by myself.

 

The transition of living on a life without dad around me had been scary since everything was new and different, filled with longing for dad and Chanyeol and Sehun and the rest of my friends. Guilt, I felt so much guilt as well for the three months we had resided in New Zeeland. I felt guilty for being happy in New Zeeland, of feeling safe and calm since I didn’t have to go home with a hard tummy afraid that I could walk in on my parents fighting or being in a house where I had to be prepared that a fight could ensure any moment. Sure, my grandparents argued with mom over how I hadn’t gotten to contact dad but they didn’t yell or scream or throw things. They just talked. It was nice. It was better.

 

But it didn’t make me miss my father any less, I knew dad had tried to get in contact with me and mom but mom refused to speak with him as of yet but my grandparents must’ve gotten to her as well as me asking her every now and then about how daddy was doing. Because one she came to my room, smiling as she saw Spiderman in my arms and told me she’s been communicating with one of the pack members who work at the post office in the town closest to our pack back home in South Korea and that she and I would send letters to everyone back home. The very next day Mom had helped me when we wrote our letters, she wrote one to my uncle Kangin who were Minnie’s dad and to her friend Ryeowook while I wrote to Dad, Chanyeol and one letter for all of my friends.

 

In my letter to dad I told him I was okay and missed him and that I mom was taking care of me so he didn’t need to be worried. To Chanyeol I told him about all the adventures me and Spiderman had gone on, about how Spiderman had missed him and sometimes cried but I had comforted him – thinking it was okay with a white lie seeing as the only one crying over Chanyeol had been me. I missed Chanyeol’s smile and him nagging about wanting to play with me even when I would playfully ignore him or tell him I didn’t want to play. It wasn’t the same playing with the other children but it was okay and every month or so when I got a letter from Chanyeol and my other friends back home it weren’t as hard anymore, I felt happy that they hadn’t forgotten me and I was also relieved that Chanyeol had taken care of Black Cat and that she and him went on adventures too, and she missed me but he was there to make her smile again which made me smile reading about it.

 

I didn’t get to see my dad until after half a year of writing letters back and forth. At the airport I had ran for him, hugging him and refusing to let go during the ride to the pack village and even less so when we were in my grandparents house but eventually I had to because mom and dad had to talk about grown up stuff. Grandma had taken me outside then to pick berries from her garden, they were meant for dessert later but she didn’t get mad when I took a few and put them in my mouth. A good while later I came back in my parents looked calm, which relived me because even though I had tried to not show grandma I had been afraid that they would fight as soon as they met or were alone together. Instead they had requested me to sit on a chair, telling me that they had decided that I were going to live with mommy while dad could come and visit me when he had time and that during the whole summers I were going to live with him. I didn’t really know what to think about it but I liked being here so I didn’t really mind and if they didn’t fight anymore then I was going to say yes to whatever they had to say.

 

The years went by, during those years my dad had gotten me two little brothers named Jeongmin and Kwangmin that I loved to play with during the summers and dad’s wife was really kind as well so I liked being there with them. Mom and dad had become friends too ever since mom met George who had been visiting our pack with his own from Holland, he had imprinted on mom. In the beginning mom had been terrified of the rush of feelings but as he was her wolf he begun to heal her from her insecurities of the past and she started smiling, laughing more when he was around so I accepted him. Plus he loved the Spiderman movies and series as well so I thought he was cool enough for my mom.

 

He had stayed in New Zeeland for my mom, living with us in our very own house and I loved being there, really but… As I accepted George it was like mom forgot about me every more of the day, then as she got pregnant with their new child I started feeling left out – it made me feel very cold as mom started to forget about me at times because of the baby in her belly and when I told her about it she called me selfish before telling me I had to start standing on my own legs. George noticed it as well, tried talking with mom about it but with her hormones she got very emotional and loud and when I hid in my room cradling Spiderman it almost felt like I was back in time whenever mom and dad used to fight.

 

I hated it, I had always flinched whenever someone raised their voice or if the dishes clinked a bit too much since it reminded me of all of the times my parents fought and every morning when I woke up I saw the scars on my face, my arms and chest which made me stop looking in the mirror for a while. Mom had begun covering them when I was nine, I didn’t look into mirrors until mom had covered up my scars. She did so until I turned twelve and could handle it on my own, it’s not like she had time to do it anyway since she spent most of her time fretting and cooing over my one year old baby sister.

 

It felt like mom had replaced me with my baby sister, I weren’t unused to the feeling of not being wanted by mom. Even back when my parents were still together, during her down periods she would ignore me and let me fend for myself as long as dad didn’t find out. My grandparents, not even Chanyeol or Sehun knew that I had heard mom cry and say that she wished I had never been born when she thought she was alone. Because if I hadn’t been born there had been nothing tying them together and perhaps they would’ve broken up normally. I had been too small to understand what she had really said, I just knew I had been bad without knowing why. But as she got accustomed to a life in New Zeeland, even as she had her happy periods and helped me with writing letters or playing dress up with me there were days when she would look at me weirdly. She would eye my scars with a very sad, cold face when she thought I didn’t see it and one day when I had been nine she had begun to put make up on my scars as she couldn’t handle seeing them any longer. Then during her down periods I could hear her sometimes when she talked about how I was a mistake to be born, that she wouldn’t hurt half as much if I hadn’t been here and it hurt, a lot and I tried to be less of trouble to her since then. I thought it would be better when she had George but if anything it got worse, even more so when she got pregnant and had my little sister Lily.

 

Every time I had to leave my dad, Chanyeol behind it got harder and harder. It felt too empty when I were back in New Zeeland, I started longing for staying with dad instead because when I got to New Zeeland I never came home. Because of packs wars I hadn’t been able to visit my dad for two years and as mom and George set me down one day when I was thirteen years old to tell me that George wanted to move back home to Holland I took my chance. I told them how I wanted to live with my dad instead, mom had gotten sad then angry over hearing it – asking me if she weren’t enough and I could just stare at her with a blank face, not wanting to say the truth that yes, she weren’t enough for me anymore because she didn’t love me, not as much as Lily and I didn’t want to stay here to see her look or say mean things to me more. George had talked to her that evening while I played with Lily, despite she was the reason my mother had turned away from me even more than before I loved my little sister as she was very kind and bubbly and even if she saw my scars she would just pat them carefully or even paint them with water paint with a sweet smile. I would miss her but I didn’t want to live with mom anymore.

 

I was extremely thankful to George who had talked me mom over, called my dad and arranged for everything. Mom didn’t talk to me anymore after I told her I wanted to live with dad, it was almost nicer seeing as I didn’t want to hear her say mean things if she had a bad day.  I spent my days until me leaving with my grandparents, going to them as much as I could to cherish the time I had left with them and I also played a lot with Lily. George, George had asked me if my mom yelling at me that night when I told them I wanted to live with dad was the first time she did so – I was afraid that he would leave her if I said yes because even if mom hurt me I had been a mistake, I had been born and made mom so sad because of it when my dad imprinted and I wanted her to be happy so I had lied to him and said yes.

 

He had apologized on behalf of my mom, saying that she just said it because she were going to miss me and I had smiled at him until he left and only then did I go to my room, crying on my bed hugging the doll that was far too childish for a girl my age but I didn’t care as I cried and told Spiderman my most hidden feelings of rejection, self-loathe and the need I had for my mom’s love even when I felt like I didn’t deserve it because of everything that had happened and three sentences kept playing in my head like they always did concerning mom;

 

I was the reason my mom was broken.

 

She hates me.

 

I’m sorry for… for… being here… for living…

 

**(⌐■_■)**

 

“Jen, watch out where you’re going.” I looked away from the forest to the ground, barely able to avoid tripping over a branch if it hadn’t been for dad’s warning.

 

We were on our way back from the airport, for the last distance away from the pack, from home dad had made me hop off his back so we could walk and talk together. Leaving mom at the airport had been a relief, she hadn’t told me she would miss me or even that she was sorry for everything but I wouldn’t have wanted to hear it in the first place since it would’ve been too late but still it hurt that she hadn’t even said a word to me. That even in the end she hated me which hurt hell of a lot, even more so that George who was my stepfather had hugged me, told me he loved me and would miss me – showing me more affection than my very own mother and Lily had cried when she watched me leave without them, making me cry when I had sat down in my seat at the plane.  

 

“You’re awfully quiet, is something wrong?” I looked to dad, he looked worried. He didn’t know anything about my mom had treated me all the years, I had never told him as there was a part of me that stilled loved my mother and I was convinced that I deserved the cold treatment I got from her so I never said anything to anyone. And I wouldn’t start now.

“Just tired from the flight.” I replied, letting him pull me in for a side hug as we continued walking and I were glad that even after two years with sparse letters that dad had no qualms about showing me affection, of loving me still and god only knew I needed to at least feel, to be re-assured that I still had one parent that loved me.

“Well, I hope you can find some energy because your brothers have been going on and on about how much they were going to play with you as soon as you got home. Not even Seulgi have been able to calm them down their excitement.” He chuckled, making me smile and I made an effort to put away the awful goodbye at the airport in favor of the warm welcome that dad had just announced. “Not to say Seulgi is even better, she says that it will be nice to finally have you live permantly with us and that she will have someone to do girl things with. Apparently painting her nails and watching romantic comedies with us boys aren’t just the same.” He said with a playful pout, making me smile more honestly than before.

“CHANYEOL, WAIT FOR ME!” My heart skipped a beat hearing the name as we finally reached the village while holding my suitcases.

 

There was laughter in the air, murmur of the life of the village and I felt almost nervous about meeting Chanyeol after such a long time. It had been two years since I last saw him, I had changed over the years and become less chubby even if my face was a bit round and I had even begun to develop breasts, looking more like the woman I would be sure to grow up to be. I wonder how much he had changed, if he had gotten taller than when I last saw him and if his voice was as squeaky, light as before. As we walked into the village centre I saw someone running towards us, fully naked and I felt a blush creeping up in my cheeks – I could never get used to seeing someone nude even if I had spent my whole life living in packs but that was not the only reason I blushed and stopped walking.

 

Oh no, the major reason I stopped was because the person running towards me had familiar giant ears, a grin too wide and young for someone his age and as the very tall guy sniffed in the air as he ran with a confused face and only noticed me too late I knew just who he was as our faces met before he crashed into me. Making us both fall back to the ground, I groaned as my head throbbed in pain and my eyes that had closed during the fall opened up to meet Alpha yellow eyes of Chanyeol. His straight nose, plump lips with ears too big and hair a half-curly mess that only added to just how shocked he was to be staring down at me. Looking as if he was as in much disbelief as I was to having met though I knew he was even more surprised than me since because of my sudden move to dad he hadn’t really told the pack I would be moving back to him permantly yet with the exception of High Alpha Leeteuk. 

 

“Well, he just fell for her.” I heard a voice, looking to the right to see a boxy smiled, older boy grinning at us with an arm around a cat smirking guy of the same age – Baekhyun and Jongdae.

“You sure aren’t wasting time getting hands on your little JenJen~” Jongdae cooed, laughing with Baekhyun as they evidently had recognized me and went happily back into their love of teasing me and Chanyeol as if we had crushes on each other, which we didn’t as I had told them a dozen of times only to have them deny my claims for a dozen of times.

“T-t-this isn’t-” Chanyeol stuttered, making me look at him in surprise as his voice had gotten hell of a lot deeper than since I last saw him and he nervously looked back down on me.

“Hi.” I said simply, smiling a little even if it felt awkward to be in such a position but as he grinned back bashfully I didn’t mind it as much.

“Welcome home.” He returned the greeting and I thought to myself as I felt my smile grew that he was completely right, I was home now that I was in the same village with my dad and Chanyeol. And speaking of my dad;

“Pup, if you don’t get your butt as naked body off of my daughter I’ll personally throw you off and into a barrel of mama Oh’s fish.” Dad said with a sweet smile even as his voice sounded threatening and I blushed in embarrassment as I had completely forgotten him.

 

Chanyeol had as well but no sooner than with the blink of an eye he was off of me, hands raised into the air to prove his innocence as he was blushing red as well. Dad helped me up, growled a bit at Chanyeol before with a arm around my shoulders lead me away from the boys and began to apologize on behalf of Chanyeol for crashing into me even if he should be better at noticing his surroundings with the lessons my dad has given me. I only listened with half an ear as I looked back over my shoulder to find Chanyeol staring at me with his hands still in the air, only taking them down with an embarrassed face as I giggled before looking forward to dad’s and Seulgi’s house that got closer and closer and I let my head rest on my dad’s shoulder as I felt so relieved, so happy to be back home.

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think about Jennie's mom? What do you think about Jennie? Do you understand her or do you think she should've spoken up about her ill-treatment for her mom? And that meeting with Channie guys, not gonna lie I wish I was her ;3 <3 XD Let me know your thoughts in the comments down below :D
> 
> Also I'm not sure when the next update will come seeing as uni begins again but I can promise you that it will come within two weeks time :D 
> 
> Until then, XOXO <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jennie's a lost girl but... Can Chanyeol help her find the way back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! QAQ I am so sorry for the very late update but I have been really busy with my university also I had to change a lot of the plot for this story since my characters have a life of their own but I like to think I like it better now so that's a plus ;)
> 
> As always, I apologize beforehand for any grammar mistakes and typos ^^'
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I strongly recomend you guys to listen to this song as it helped me write this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbHWTkHLtew
> 
>    
> Please enjoy :3

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”Jennie unnie!” Rosé whined in embarrassment as I pinched her cheeks while cooing at her. But how could I resist? She was wearing a flowery bathing suit with frills, her hair in two pigtails and let’s not forget duck swimming ring around her waist. She was so cute, always had been and I was glad that despite being twelve years old Rosé kept her innocent, sweet ways. “Jisoo unnie~” She whined for help when I moved on to squishing her cheeks together.

“You’re on your own kid.” Jisoo said with a teasing smirk, laughing when Rosé whined even more and I would’ve stopped on my own but before I could Sehun appeared like the shining knight in armor I had noticed he had become for Rosé. He pinched the back of my hands, making me hiss at the pain but I released Rosé’s cheek all the same to rub away the sting on the back of my hands.

“Sehun oppa!” Rosé directed a relieved grin to the poker faced elder, who said nothing but walked off and Rosé were quick to fall into step with him as they went into the water to swim. I watched them with a fond smile before shaking my head and went to sit down beside Jisoo.

 

Jisoo muttered something about puppy love before going back to reading Twilight, it was nice that I could sit right next to her without feeling the need to talk. It gave me a chance to just sit there and bask in the moment, enjoying the calm but as I looked out over the lake my eyes focused on the dark part of the lake where it was really deep. I was glad I had moved here in the summer so I could get properly in touch with everyone, it had been easy to fit right back in with everyone and the weeks that had gone by had finally taken us to the last week of summer before school began. I had been happy, it had been great but the very reason I had left George and my mom kept lingering in my mind. Leaving a heavy feeling in my chest as I heard her telling me over and over that I was a mistake in my head but then my little brothers or my friends would un-knowingly distract me from them.

 

But things like Seulgi accidentally dropping china, Yifan losing his temper and yelling at Baekhyun triggered me into panic attacks as I kept being brought back to those moments when my mother would scream at me or the reason I had my scars. Usually when they happened I would run for a place to hide, to force my lungs to work and cried as I got scared of not being able to breathe properly. In the beginning I had been scared but gotten through them, even if they left me exhausted afterwards. Whenever my friends or family noticed my exhaustion or puffy eyes I told them I had just slept badly – which wasn’t a lie as I would get nightmares at times of my parents fighting or my mom yelling about how she wanted to disown me or kill me.

 

Everyone believed me, they didn’t have any reason not to. Chanyeol even bought it but I could tell the more it happened the more suspicious he was, I noticed how I could feel him watch me at times or I would catch him in the act of watching me and would usually blush when I caught him doing so, grinning at me shyly and so I got the weird – uncomfortable? Happy? – notion that he might just be looking at me like that because he might like me. Like, romantically but it didn’t seem quite right. Yet I couldn’t say anything because if I did he might ask and if he starts asking I might not be able to lie to him so he doesn’t find out the real reason behind my night terrors or why I would disappear at times only to come back with puffy eyes.

 

 But now, with everyone either playing in the water or play fighting in the grass I was more or less left to my own thoughts and I hated it. I hated the fact that my mind drifted off to where I didn’t want it to. I hated the way her words made me feel, I hated how it felt like my scars burned even as they were covered with makeup and I got the paranoid thought that everyone could see them even though I logically knew they couldn’t.

 

I felt the panic growing in me as the noises seemed drowned out, as if I was underwater and could hear the sounds above the surface while I was stuck under water, drowning and letting it happen. I was so deep into my head that when I heard a loud bang I for one moment was back in the kitchen so many years ago and was nearly hit by whatever mom threw. With a scream I threw myself backwards to avoid the cup but as I opened my eyes after closing them to make sure no shards would get directly in my eyes I realized I wasn’t in the kitchen but at the beach, a beach ball rolling away in the sand. I looked around frantically, trying to control my rapid need of breath and flinched when a shadow loomed over me.

 

“Sorry Jennie, Junmyun has a sucky aim.” Yixing said with a chuckle as he picked up the ball with a dimpled grin that grew when Junmyun protested loudly.

“I… I-It’s okay.” I stuttered out, giving him what I hoped was a normal smile and then got up on shaky legs as I needed to remove myself from here.

“You sure you’re okay? You look a bit pale.” Yixing frowned, reaching out to steady me but I flinched away as he was just about to grab a part of my arm which was covered with makeup and I was scared it might get off if he touched it seeing as it wasn’t waterproofed. Yixing looked at me in shock and I mentally chastised myself for being such an idiot.

“I don’t want to get wet.” I lied, backing away and swallowed nervously as I saw Chanyeol looking at me with worried eyes a bit from Yixing. I knew I had said the wrong thing as Chanyeol looked utterly confused, he if anyone knew how much I normally loved being in the water and really had no qualms about getting wet. “I- I gotta go, I just remembered dad needed help with my brothers today and I’ve been gone far too long already so euhm… Bye.” Just like that I left them all and felt a familiar pair of eyes glaring into my back until I was out of sight.

 

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Ever since the beach incident I noticed that Chanyeol were watching me even more than previously which had my walls rise even further and more secure yet… Yet there was a part of me that whispered to me, enchanted me at nights when I couldn’t sleep or when I held unto a knife I had hid from dad and Seulgi. A knife which showed my reflection in its gleaming metal, the promises of numbing my pain if I just added another scar or too to my already damaged skin but whenever I was even close to cutting myself I were reminded of Chanyeol’s worried gaze and I would drop the knife with a choked cry of anguish.

 

The voice that whispered, the part of me I kept under-lock-and-key wanted someone to see just how much I was hurting, struggling and fighting every day to get out of bed. I wanted someone to notice just how manic I was about always being covered and having makeup on. I wanted someone to see through my façade and help me as I couldn’t find the courage to tell someone, to ask for help.

 

I was terrified of myself. I was terrified I would blow my cover and for someone to discover the truth beneath my carefully crafted mask. I was terrified over how much control my mom had off of me when she wasn’t even here. But above all, I was terrified someone would discover the truth behind the mask when it was too late and I would be found in a pool of my own blood. Because I knew that if I began cutting my arm, even once…

 

I wouldn’t stop until it would inventible be too late to save me.

 

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“Yo, ice queen, do you melt in the summer?” I cracked open an eye, seeing Jisoo huff then level Yuta Nakamoto with a cool gaze and a polite yet chilling smile. Yuta was known for being pretty blunt and snarky, one of the things he loved the most was ruffling Jisoo’s feather.

 

Something Jongin both loathed and approved of as while he hated that another guy managed to get under her skin he was also glad that someone else got the end of Jisoo’s beatings. But I knew it was more than that, being sixteen years old and having lived two years with the pack now I had observed and come to the conclusion that the two liked one another but neither of them had realized it. I was glad they hadn’t and when I could I would distract Jisoo or Jongin when I could if they started vocalizing that maybe they indeed felt something more, on one hand I knew it was wrong to get in-between two people’s possible relationship but on the other hand I didn’t want Jisoo and Jongin to go through with what either of my parents had.

 

“Why? Are you scared someone will use the water and throw it on you to make you melt? I’m sure the people of Oz would rejoice over such a feat.” Yuta snorted amusedly then winked at her before leaving our table in the library. Joining his friends once more as they had been on their way out of the library but Yuta seemingly couldn’t resist a jab at Jisoo. Jisoo looked after him with a wrinkled nose before going back to her math homework.

“So, you gonna ask him out?” I asked, bored out of my mind sitting in the library studying – not that I had studied, more like I had caught some sleep while Jisoo studied as I had yet another dream of my mother choking me to death.

 

They had been gone for a while but come back with a vengeance as my mother had for some reason started sending me letters for the first time since I moved to South Korea. I hadn’t opened a single one, they were lying in a box underneath my bed – hissing at me to open them but I refused to do so. I was partially scared for what the content in them would be but even more angry, she hadn’t talked nor written to me since my move and while I was scared off of her I was more pissed at her for not caring for me like a mother should, like Seulgi did and therefore I could care less what were in those letters.

 

Though the arrival of the letters had me grasping at my knife more often, being even closer to cutting my wrists as the paranoia of what the letters may contain and I was starting to get exhausted of my own mind, of hearing my mother scream at me to die or the whispers every time I looked into a mirror about how ugly I was because of my scars.

 

“Depends, are you going to talk to Chanyeol again?” I broke out of my thoughts, feeling like I had gotten a whiplash because of Jisoo’s question. I looked to her with guarded eyes, seeing her looking right back at me with a calm and collected one.

“… No…” I replied after a moment of staring of each other but it didn’t deter her.

“What even happened to you two? You were so close then a few days ago you stopped talking and hanging with him and he turned into this sad wolf puppy.” She gave me an inquiring look and I looked away. “Jennie, you know you can talk to me right? I won’t be mad or anything.”

“I know it’s just…” I sighed and picked up my books to put them in my backpack. “It’s just a me-thing but it will pass. I will go first, I wanted to go and talk to our P.E teacher about my grade. See ya~” She smiled at me then went back to her book and the moment I had walked past her my practiced smile slipped right off of my face and I walked out of the library.

 

I walked mindlessly through the school hallways, not really lying about having to talk with our P.E teacher but it was something that could’ve just as easily been dealt with the next time we had class but I needed to get out of there. When Jisoo were that kind, quiet and patient it made me want to open up to her – which was great most of the time except when it came to my scars and Chanyeol.

 

No one still knew why I avoided the topic of my mom, no one had yet to see past my mask walls which were a feat by itself when living in a village of werewolves but I had managed. There had been plenty of moments over the years when I feared they would come to know the truth but they hadn’t. Then there was Chanyeol, sweet, goofy Chanyeol that had been the one to discover my box of letters from my mom and he had found one which was open – a letter I had opened to read but didn’t even make it past the first sentence before I crumpled and threw it away from me with a choked scream. He had evidently read it, looking guilty and shocked once I returned from the bathroom to find him kneeling on the floor with it in his hands along with my box opened beside him. I had panicked and screamed at him, scared of what he might’ve found out – I told him to get the hell out off of my room and away from me for reading the letter. He had tried to talk to me but I had pushed him out of the house and slammed the door in his face.

 

He had sent me countless of text messages and phone calls, I answered none and kept to avoiding him at all costs and when I couldn’t I would just ignore him and act as if I didn’t hear him call out for me or how he would stare at me with a questioning gaze. I had been terrified that whatever my mother had written in the letter would expose the true reason I had left her to live with my dad and the reason behind my manic obsession with covering my scars from the eyes of others. I had been terrified he would tell my dad or Seulgi but none of them had said anything to me or acted out of the ordinary so I was safe to assume they knew nothing.

 

I was more confused than angry now that the days had passed since I pushed him out of my house, confused by  how he hadn’t told anyone – as far as I knew at least – about the contents of the letter – which I hadn’t read, too afraid – but more so how…. How relieved I felt that perhaps he knew, perhaps he knew how to help me from myself and my dark thoughts then I felt terrified that if he knew he would tell dad which would most likely have a go at my mother and I was scared that if he did she would call me or come here and… And what? I didn’t really know but I was more scared of the fact I didn’t know that if I did knew or had an inkling to as what she would do.

 

“Jennie.” My eyes snapped up from the ground, I found myself standing in the P.E hall and Chanyeol was standing in the middle of the basketball court looking all sweaty and gross and… So unfailingly handsome that it did things to my treacherous heart that had grown over the two years that I refused and ignore vehemently as I did not want to end up as my cold, cruel mother in anyway.  “Don’t run, please.” He pleaded and I blinked in surprise at just how desperate, just how sad and scared Chanyeol was that I would do what I had done over the days since that day I found him with a letter in his hands. I blame it on the dark, sad and confused condition my heart and brain was in because of my previous thoughts prior to my knowledge that I had ended up in the P.E hall but I stood still.

 

Staring at Chanyeol with my carefully crafted mask of indifference, waiting for him – always waiting for him, always wanting him to take the first step, always wanting him to lead as I felt so lost in this world and I trusted him. Even now that he had read my letter and possibly knew more than I would’ve liked I trusted him, I… I had squished the want of telling him everything, of talking to him about the letter because I trusted him, I knew he would know what to do and what I should do to deal with my emotions, my scars – both physical and mental – but I felt that I didn’t deserve it, my mother’s voice hissing in my ear that I didn’t deserve a 1st condition series figure Chanyeol as I was nothing but a ragdoll with too many stitches to be beautiful.

 

“You’re not running.” He sighed in relief as he approached me with slow, careful step as if I was a skittish hare who would run at the slightest hint of danger. He wasn’t incorrect.

“…Yet…” I said, hating myself for how hollow, how fragile my own voice sounded.

“I… I wanted to apologize for reading your letter, for opening the box…” He said slowly, stopping to stand a bit from me and playing with the basketball in his hands nervously. I watched him do it for a short while, my mind racing with suggestions of what I should do or say and gathering the courage to ask the thing I wanted the most until I did it.

“What… What did the letter say?” I asked, feeling so tired.

“… You don’t know?” He asked, visibly confused and at my silence his eyes widened. “You don’t know.” I didn’t dare to look at this expressive face and instead kept my gaze on the basketball. “But it was crumpled? I don’t get… None of the others were open though… You really… I just… You really haven’t read any of the letters, not even the crumpled one… And… And they’re all from your mother… Why? Why haven’t you read them?” My lips became a thin line and I turned to walk away from him but he got right in front of me with one big leap of his long legs. “Jennie, why did you really come back here?”

“… What did the letter say?” I asked in a monotone tone, as the basketball he had dropped in order to get in front of me bounced against the floor, echoing the thumping of my heart. As the basketball rolled it was the only sound in the P.E hall until it stopped.

“….. She wrote that…” He swallowed, looking as if he had swallowed a lemon and I clutched tightly at my bag strap, tight enough for my knuckles to go white. “She wrote that George had left her and taken your little sister with him and that…”

“… She wanted me to die?” I guessed, looking directly into his eyes for the first time since I stepped into the P.E hall, seeing just how confused, scared, disgusted, angry Chanyeol were to even talk about it as his eyes were a furious Alpha red.

“Jennie, the only reason I hadn’t gone to your dad with this is because I want to hear from you why your mom would wish you dead.” He said and were about to put his hand to my cheek but I flinched away as I was struck with the memory of her slapping me hard enough for her nails to give me three tiny but visible scars. “… Jennie, what the hell have you been hiding from us?“ He asked softly, so lulling that this time when he want to pull me into a hug I didn’t flinch and let his long, gangly but defined arms wrap around me in a safe embrace.

 

_I stood there, motionlessly and the dark tunnel I had hid in trembled as small star appeared by the other end off of it. The dark tunnel I had walked even deeper to and away from the light, the dark tunnel where my mother’s voices echoed so loudly it were still ringing in my ears when I was awake. I looked at the star, it flickered and went out only to go back on every few seconds as I had a choice to make. Either I could push Chanyeol, push the light away and delve deeper into darkness and my mother’s hold or… Or I could walk towards the light, I could attempt to break free from the hold she still had over me and maybe I could dare to hope to stitch myself hole instead of hiding my open wounds and slowly but surely drown from the blood of my open wounds._

 

“Let me in… Let me help… Please Jennie… I… I wasn’t there when… When you were scared, when you were hurt… Spiderman didn’t do the greatest job perhaps but I’m here now and I want to help you so please… Please Jennie tell me the truth, tell me everything…”

 

_I looked at the star, suddenly finding a Spiderman doll in my hands that had been a surrogate figure for Chanyeol as a child. Spiderman who had been there when I cried because of my mother, who had seen me at the worse whenever mom would cross the line and get physical in my room where George wouldn’t hear or see her. I heard the words of Chanyeol, the words echoing in the tunnel and drowning out the toxic hisses of my mother and… And I began to ran, I ran towards the light which grew bigger and bigger. Clawed hands tried to pull me back, tried to make me fall but I violently shrugged them off and when china started hitting my back I didn’t even flinch as I got so close to the light I could feel it’s comforting warmth instead of the numb cold I had been in since I left New Zeeland and as I finally reached the end of the tunnel the light turned out to be a grand phoenix who looked at me with its blazing eyes. The phoenix, the mythical bird born from ashes who beckoned me close with a wing of fire that didn’t burn me as it curled around my back to pull me close and in the light I noticed just how dirty I was with sot, grime that had formed words my mom had hurled at me but as I came in contact with the phoenix they turned to dust and scattered off of my skin and with a beautiful cry the phoenix made the dark tunnel smaller and smaller and I… I…_

My arms lifted themselves up, wrapping themselves around the sweaty body and I didn’t care about the sweat as I hid my face in Chanyeol’s chest and started sobbing as finally, finally someone knew… Finally someone had found me… Finally I could be saved from myself…

 

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3RD POV

 

The woman stepped out of the airport and hailed for a taxi. Once she managed to get one she went to sat in the backseat with her only luggage which was a handbag.

 

“Address?” The taxi driver asked as he looked at her through the rearview mirror. The woman paused as she had just opened the handbag, seemingly thinking before she finally answered:

“Take me to the nearest hotel please, money is not an issue.” She then went back to her handbag, rummaging through it.

“So, what brings you here?” The taxi driver asked pleasantly and as the woman answered he found her smile beautiful.

“I’m here to visit my daughter, we fought the last time we saw each other but I want to make things right now and fix things between us.” The woman smiled as she found what she had been looking for, a picture no bigger than her hand that she thumbed gently.

“That’s nice, I hope you’re successful.” The man wished her.

“As do I.” She smiled and thumbed the picture of a little girl who hugged her Spiderman doll.

 

(｡ **X** ‿‿ **X** ｡)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo Hi guys :D Sorry it's been so long but like I said I've been very busy with Uni but finally, after changing lot of the plot as well and the fact it got a bit calm with school work I managed to finally write this chapter. 
> 
> What do you guys think will happen? Who is the woman? Do you think Chanyeol will finally be able to help Jennie?
> 
> btw, I'm thinking that it's currently early fall in the story, like around August so Chanyeol haven't turned 20 just yet so he can't imprint on her just yet and we don't really know how he feels for Jennie at the moment. Or do we? :3
> 
> Please comment your thoughts or leave a kudos, it makes me very happy :D <3 
> 
> love you all <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is a roller coaster and just when Jennie goes up from rock bottom she goes downhill fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the bottom AN for the info!
> 
> But also, keep in mind English is not my first language so sorry for any grammar mistakes or typos ^^''

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I brushed Black Cat’s white hair with a little brush that Chanyeol bought for her – something he had admitted with pink cheeks but insisted he had done it as a kid after I’ve left to make sure she was well looked after… And that Rosé had also insisted that girl dolls needed to have their hair brushed at least three times a day so Chanyeol being the good big brother he was decided to listen to his sister, it was so cute I didn’t stop smiling for a solid minute before I remembered exactly why I was sitting on Chanyeol’s bed waiting for him to be done with his shower.

 

I didn’t feel scared per say, not nervous either I felt… I felt nothing yet everything. I wanted to tell Chanyeol everything but I was also… Apprehensive about how he would react once he knew everything but every time my mind spiraled down into the dark bottomless pit the wings of the Phoenix embraced me and reminded me that it was, in fact, Chanyeol that I was about to talk to, who despite the distance I had created between us ever since I got back was still the one person I trusted and cared for beyond everything. Just holding Black Cat who was in a pristine condition just proved me right, to follow my gut.

 

My treacherous heart skipped a beat as the door opened and closed behind a shitless Chanyeol who didn’t look bothered by his half-nakedness at all until he caught me looking at his damp skin, his cheeks tinged pink and he chuckled awkwardly and hurried over to his dresser to pull a tank top over his head then a black hoodie. I averted my eyes before he could see that I had kept my eyes on his lean but slightly muscled back and kept it on Black Cat even as I felt the bed dip beside me as Chanyeol sat down beside me.

 

We were quiet, the tension hung in the air but I didn’t feel any pressure to hurry up and speak and neither did Chanyeol hurry me to talk nor did he break the silence himself. I appreciated it, it allowed me to gather my thoughts or at least I thought I gathered my thoughts but I had already started talking and I only noticed I had once I had to take a breath and lick my lips before continuing. The words left my mouth, memories playing like a movie in my head as I let my mouth expose every piece of my childhood – the fighting between my parents, my mother’s cruel words, my time in Zeeland where I thought it’d be fine but my mom got worse, how she hit me more times than George would ever know or the really dark moments when she would tell me she wished I had died that day in the kitchen where my parents broke up. How she wished a knife had pierced my throat or any other vital organ so that she would be rid off of me.

 

Everything that only Spiderman had known became Chanyeol’s knowledge, every toxic waste I had after my mom’s toxic words and hits on my body and I revealed to how just how much I had fought to be normal and fit in here by making sure I was covered and hiding my panic attacks as to… Because…

 

“I didn’t want… I didn’t want you all to freeze me out… To…. T-to does not want me anymore either because I have nowhere else to go… I didn’t want…” My blurred vision turned to Chanyeol but he had his head between his knees and his hands in his unruly locks of dark hair. “I didn’t want you to find me disgusting b-because of my scars or not want to be my friend anymore because I’m a messed up, psycho, misfit, divorcee kid…” The tears fell but I didn’t sob, I didn’t make a sound after the last words were spat out of my mouth, lips tingling as if they truly were as toxic as I felt them be in my heart, in my head. “D-did you know that I have a knife under my pillow that… That I had for when… For when _her_ voice would be too much and… I wouldn’t have the strength to push them away anymore…” I didn’t know where that came from, I hadn’t planned to ever tell him about the knife but all the same, it was out in the open. My dirty little secret. Maybe it was so that I could see him finally look at me after I had begun telling him everything. Maybe it was my subconscious screaming for help, taking its chance now that I was vulnerable, my wall crumbled at my feet and at the “phoenix’s” mercy to do as he pleased. There were no maybes as I finally said the words I had wanted to get out for years but never could. “I… Chanyeol… P-please save me… H-Help me… Make them stop…” I begged, voice small and frail as if I had been sobbing, screaming for hours when in fact I had been for nearly an hour but maybe it wasn’t the voice of the but the voice of the little girl that had struggled to survive all the years throughout a limbo of heaven and hell that was tipping more to hell. “Make them stop…” Chanyeol had been crying too, his eyes a vibrant alpha golden as his wolf was close to the surface and as I begged his face twisted in so many emotions that I couldn’t comprehend how he was feeling until he pulled my shaking form into his embrace – his tight hold nearly painful, his arms strained and stiff as if to control his supernatural strength. “C-Chanyeol?” I gulped.

“Jennie.” I blinked confused but felt the breath go out of me as he spoke further. “Your name is Jennie. Not psycho. Not Misfit. Jennie, you’re Jennie. You call yourself a mess but I don’t you’re… You’re a fucking fighter.” He pulled away then so that his resolute gold eyes could look right into my shocked ones. “You’ve been through hell and back but you’re still here Jennie. That doesn’t make you weak it makes you strong and that knife…” A fresh wave of tears ran down his cheeks and he had to take a shuddering breath before he continued and I felt so ashamed that I told him about that damned knife. Ashamed that those thoughts had been circling around my head. “You had it but you never used it…”

“I… There were times I wanted to… Just to relieve the pressure but I… I couldn’t… Because if I started I… I don’t think I would stop…” I admitted, shaking from withholding my sobs but couldn’t stop the near hysterical intake of air. “Am I still strong or am I just a coward?”

“YOU’RE NOT A COWARD!” He growled and I jumped in his hold.  He breathed, calming himself before he spoke much softer but never the less sincere. “You’re not a coward… You’re Jennie fucking Kim and you chose to live time over time and that means something! You know what it means?” I shook my head side to side, desperately hanging on to every word that left his plush mouth. “It means that you want to live, you want to fight that… That bitch and show her that you’re bent, not fucking broken and if you need a little help you have me.” That broke the dam as I wailed, tears spilling down my cheek and my chest hurting from the powerful sobs as I hid in his chest. Let his warmth engulf me, making me feel warmer than I had for years and I let myself take the comfort that I never got as a little kid. “You got me, I’ve got you, I’ll help with making everything okay, You’ll be fine, you’re going to get help and I’ll be there with you every step of the way… I’ll fight with you, we’ll win this...” Chanyeol said as he pressed kisses to the top of my head, his arms cradling me to him and I believed him.

 

Chanyeol never made a promise he couldn’t keep and never had I trusted someone to keep that promise as much as when I decided to trust Chanyeol.

 

(｡◕‿‿◕｡)

 

I’ll never get used to the way Chanyeol every so often casually notices my scars whenever I hang out with him in just a t-shirt and no makeup. He doesn’t look at me in pity or anger, rather fascination and awe and it does things to my heart which I refuse to acknowledge but I do smile after I’ve pushed his head away or steered him into a conversation about how he’s really the worst dancer in the whole wide world. Which leads to him attempting to dance to prove me wrong and we end up laughing as a pile on the floor of my living room while the twins are still dancing? Dad looks at us with a fond look, the kind of relieved and affectionate look he’s worn ever since I began to show signs of improvement such as not wearing makeup inside of the house and the ability to not having to cover up my limbs with a frantic need.

 

I had been scared to tell him but when Chanyeol took my hand in his, looking at me with that look of ease and reassurance I had gathered my courage and told my father everything I had told Chanyeol the night before. Dad had been shocked at the severity of the situation and apologized profusely for not being there for me when I had needed him and had failed to make me feel safe and loved. It had been hard seeing my dad who was usually strong and reliable break down as much as he had but it had also been sort of a relief that he felt so strongly about it. It eased some of my doubts of him not loving me as much as I had hoped then I felt guilty for doubting him. But once dad had gathered me in his embrace, promised me I would get the help I needed and he was going to be there for me I only had to look at Chanyeol’s soft smile to know that he would help dad help me if needed and as such I let down my walls.

 

At first, going to the therapist had been all kinds of awkward and fear-inducing as it could be but the more I went, the more I began to open up. One week I spoke a sentence or two, small answers. The week after that I spoke about my current everyday life. Then it progressed further and further, I went down the rabbit hole of madness until I had told my therapist about everything. There had been tears and snot, there had been yelling and whispers, there had been a lot of bending but lots of healing and Chanyeol had been my rock through it all. Whenever I had a particularly bad session he was there afterward with ice cream and Marvel movie marathon. Whenever I had a good session he celebrated it with me by taking me to Lotte world.

 

Nearly two months after having told Chanyeol, my dad, and Seulgi the truth and gone to the therapist for weekly sessions I felt like my life was actually going somewhere. And as I got out of the building where my therapist had her office the very reason for it stood leaned against the lamppost. My heart rate picked up at the sight of him in a flannel jacket, ripped jeans and boots. The signature red hair of the Park family was untamed, unruly and fell into his eyes so he whipped it back and once he did he stared right at me. His blank face lit up with an ear-to-ear grin and he immediately stepped away from the lamppost. It was unfair how good looking he was and once again I was struck by the fact that I found him attractive when I knew I shouldn’t.

 

“Hey, how was today? Did she finally offer pot?” Despite the conflicting emotions in my heart, I snorted in amusement. He and I had an on-going joke about my therapist having pot seeing as the first time I walked in there I could smell something sweet and earthy but no sign of any incense or anything of the lake but she did have a weird looking grass plant that –despite the fact we both knew how a cannabis plant looked like – was surely cannabis and that the smell was from the pot she smoked. In the beginning, it had been created in order for me to relax, to not think about the heavy discussions I had gone through and Chanyeol throwing every crazy theory he had until I smiled. Now it was routine but never the less welcomed.

“It was good and no but I’m starting to think she’s growing mushrooms.” I joked and cursed myself for heating up when she put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him as we begun to walk down the busy street.

“Why? Did she go from a baby to a grown Italian man who loves to go down pipes?” He asked in all seriousness if not for his sparkling eyes.

“Oh my god stop, you did not just say that.” I groaned and suppressed the laugh that wanted get out.

“Hey! It was an honest question! You never know, like, maybe Super Mario is actually real and based on a real Italian plumber who went into a parallel universe and saves a princess from a lizard dictator?” He couldn’t keep the straight face any longer as I gave him the most bewildered stare I could ever muster and laughed with him so hard that tears came to my eyes.

“You’re so fucking weird.” I laughed even more as he pinched my cheeks gently while “scolding” me for saying the word fuck.

 

 

As we stood by the crossing and waited for the green sign of GO to lit up we talked about school, the assignments we had and when I was momentarily distracted by his smile I felt a prickling sensation in my neck. It took me a few seconds to acknowledge it but when I did it grew even stronger and my spine grew cold as every bone in my being told me that someone was looking very intently at me. I looked over my shoulder, eyes flitting over the people in the street but no one was looking at me yet the sensation wouldn’t go away.

 

“Jennie? Is something wrong?” I looked around once more before I regrettably resigned and smiled up at Chanyeol in – what I hoped – was a reassuring way.

“Yeah, it was just my imagination.”  I shrugged and when the sign went green I took his hand and pulled him with me. “Come on Yoda, let’s get shopping so we’ll be home before it turns dark,” I said and pushed the watched feeling away.

 

But if I had looked into the ally way more closely I would’ve seen the figure that looked at us until we were out of the side and only then did the figure leave with a sigh.

 

(｡X‿‿X｡)

 

I hurried outside of school, the hard knot in my tummy nearly making me vomit from the sight of a girl kissing Chanyeol. I had been going to pick him up from basketball practice so that we could go home together when I found him being pulled into a kiss by one of the cheerleaders, it had hurt more than I wanted to admit and disappeared like a bat from hell before I could see something worse like… Like him returning the kiss. I had just walked through the gates of the school and turned my head to the right as I felt the – sadly – familiar feeling of eyes on me. But just like every other time I couldn’t find the source off of it and it was beginning to aggravate as well as terrify me.

 

“Jennie, wait!” I sagged with relief as there were loud steps followed by an arm slung around me. I looked up at the giant werewolf who immediately could tell what had just occurred with one good look on me and lifted his head to look around with a rare sneer and hard set eyes.

“Do you feel it still?” He asked as he looked around to see if anyone was looking at us.

“No, it disappeared when you came.” I sighed and he growled then made me blush as he hugged me tighter to his side. “C-Chanyeol!?”

“Well, you said it yourself, as soon as I appear it disappears so that means I’ll just have to keep you close to me right?” He said with a wink that really shouldn’t have made my heart flutter, I hated my heart. I scoffed at him and when I looked at his lips I noticed the remains of lip gloss on them, silently thinking he looked great with lip gloss but then the sight from earlier hit me like a sledgehammer and I felt my face fall into a mask of careful indifference. “Jennie, what’s- Oh, wait, I still got lip gloss on me?” He asked surprised and did his best to wipe it off with his free hand, which I noticed had remains of lip gloss already and it eased my heart. “Is it gone?” He asked when he was done and I nodded, relieved to see the very reason for my nauseous go away.

“Why did you have it?” I asked, fearing the answer and despite the voices in my head screaming at me to get my act together and not do the mistake my mother did I fell, even more, when he answered.

“Well… There’s girl in the cheerleading squad called Solar, she confessed to me after basketball practice and pulled me in for a kiss before I got a chance to answer her.” He looked so sad for her, compassion so very clear in his expressive face. “I told her I didn’t feel the same way and apologized if I had somehow given her the wrong signals. She got a bit sad so I made sure she was okay before we parted ways and by the time I had finished comforting her I saw the clock and realized you must be waiting for me and here I am.”

“You’re so kind, your mate is going to be very lucky.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them but it didn’t mean I meant them even less though, even if the thought of him imprinting on someone else left a tight, icy knot in my chest. He observed me, eyes sharp and I tried to calm my heart knowing very well he could hear it and before he could ask me what’s wrong I laughed and slapped his chest gently. “Don’t give me that look, you’ve been my knight in shining armor for years so it’s about time you’ll be that for someone else too. But your replacement will have a lot to live up to.” I said, trying to sound happy and carefree and walked out from under his arm and down the street. “Let’s go, I want to go shopping before we go ho-” I froze as his large hand engulfed mine and his lips were right by my ear.

“Mate or no mate, I’ll always be your loyal knight.” He said into my ear, his hot breath causing me to break out in pleasant shivers and my cheeks were not only red from the cold air.

 

And as if he hadn’t just signed my doom for heartbreak he went ahead and pulled me along, naturally leading me down the street and talked about the sports store he wanted to visit to buy a basketball to have at home in the pack as if he hadn’t said anything out of ordinary minutes ago.

 

I didn’t know whether I was thankful for the normal act or devastated that he had made finally made a vow that was breakable.

 

(｡X‿‿X｡)

 

Yet another month passes, that breakable vow forgotten as Halloween is coming near and we have various assignments. I’m still going to the therapist weekly and even though I knew I could I didn’t dare to ask her on what to do about my feelings with Chanyeol as I knew it could either give me hope or blow out the flicker in my heart and I didn’t know which one I wanted so I stayed quiet and focused on my other improvements and areas of work. For one, I had finally gathered courage and called George.

 

He had been surprised to hear from me even if he was obviously very glad I finally had and I think he cried when I began to. It had been a very emotional call but a needed one, it was nice to hear about how he and my little sister was doing. I had been surprised when he said he had split from my mother when she refused to deal with her psychological issues. They were together again now as she was getting treated and better, he had been very careful as he spoke of her and I wondered how much he knew now. Probably a whole lot more than when I was living under his roof. I soon found out as he apologized for not being there for me and not knowing what was going on under his own roof. But he was only human or rather, only a werewolf. Even if he had superior senses my mother and I hid our destructive relationship under lock and key, her nastiest moment’s only coming out when George was away on pack business and when he was home she was much more lenient than usual. He couldn’t have known and if he had I know he would’ve stepped into protecting me so even if he apologized over and over again I insisted I had forgiven him a long ago as the only one who really needed to at least apologies was my mother.

 

From there on the emotional talk had moved on to talking about my sister and lighter topics. When I had ended the call with a promise of keeping in touch more frequently I felt like a boulder had left my shoulders though the news of my mother actually getting treatment for psychology issues was weighing on my mind. Had she been psychologically ill this whole time? For how long? Before she met my dad or did he trigger them once he didn’t mate on her? So many questions that only she would be able to answer but I wasn’t ready to reach out and contact her. But… As I went into my room that night and took out the box with all of her letters I came to a decision.

 

(｡X‿‿X｡)

 

“Are you sure you’re ready? You don’t need to read them if you don’t want to or aren’t ready.” Chanyeol said calmly, reassuring as we sat down on the log around an open fire by the lake.

 

 

He had barely been able to keep his eyes open when I first knocked on his window but once he saw the box he woke up instantly and had stared at me in shock when I asked him to accompany me to the lake. Less than five minutes later we were sitting by the open fire on logs, the box between my feet and Chanyeol had leaned me his jacket as I had just walked out in a thin sweater, my sweats, and boots. Chanyeol sat by my side in just a flannel shirt over a tank, his boxer shorts swished for a pair of sweats but his feet were bare. He was always so warm that I was wondering if he would end up with something akin to fire as his powers as he was never cold if anything he was warmer than even the overheated furnace system that werewolves were.

 

“I… I don’t think I’ll ever be ready but… I need to do it, to put my mind to ease… Sorry for dragging you out here in the middle of the night…” I said awkwardly but smile in relief when he snorted at the last thing I said before ruffled my messy hair.

“You hardly dragged me but even if you had I would’ve gone willingly.” He smiled from ear to ear. “I told you didn’t I? We’re in this together, even if it means leaving my very comfy bed and nearly freezing to death to ensure you’re warm and comfortable.” I rolled my eyes at his dramatic sass which made him preen proudly.

“Just for that, I’ll keep this jacket for a week.” I stuck my tongue out at him and he pouted at me little revenge.

 

The playful atmosphere disappeared as a log in the fire cracked loudly and caused me to nudge the box between my feet. My smile dropped as I looked down at it, hands shaking as I reached for the lid of Pandora’s box, barely not being able to open it and thinking of just forgetting it all when one of Chanyeol’s hand begun rubbing my back. Not saying anything but just silently reminding me he’s there if needed. It was exactly what I needed in order to open the box and I randomly took a letter to read.

 

I spent probably two hours reading all the letters through the years, it was… It was interesting to see how much the letters changed through the years. That, in the beginning, she threw slurs and death threats at me but over time the letters came less but they transitioned into pleads of forgiveness and telling me she had started to get help from a therapist. She wished to meet me and talk, something that I had never dared to imagine and I crumbled that paper into a ball.

 

It was an emotional roller coaster but Chanyeol was my seatmate and for every tear, I shed there was a thumb to wipe it away. For every letter I threw into the fire there was a hand rubbing my back. He was with me until every letter was turning to ashes in the fire, the toxic waste and pleads for forgiveness joining as one and being destroyed, determinate by my own hands and… And it felt so good. I didn’t think it would make me feel so good but taking control of something, taking her toxic words and her pleads into my own hands and vanishing them from my sight like I had been trying to do with the thoughts that had haunted me for years it felt like I was in control, I felt like I truly was as strong as Chanyeol had said he thought I was and to get rid of the last remains I had off of the woman who called herself my mother.

 

That night I broke the chains that had tied me to hell but as Chanyeol hugged me I didn’t know whether I remained in hell or heaven as my treacherous heart sung for him.

 

(｡X‿‿X｡)

 

“Chanyeol! Yah, get back here you idiot!”  I yelled at the gangly werewolf, trying to sound mad even if I wanted to laugh at the goofball.

 

His excitement of going to the store which sold Halloween costumes, makeup and every other thing one would need for Halloween was infectious. He had been excited for a week for this excursion and he insisted that seeing as we were best friends – the look on Baekhyun’s face when Chanyeol said it will forever be one of my favorite memories, take that sucker! – we needed best friends costumes. I had already turned down Mario and Luigi as well as Ash Ketchum and Pikachu but found it difficult to not accept being the Cheshire Cat if he was the Mad Hatter.

 

Chanyeol turned back to look at me right as I felt that horrible familiar feeling of being watched but this time around as Chanyeol grew rigid there was a careful hand on my arm. I almost didn’t turn around and I wished I hadn’t when I saw who the owner of the hand was. She looked as young as one could expect from someone who had children when she was still a teenager. But despite the youthful, smooth skin there was an exhausted, matured beyond years kind of deep in her eyes which were identical to mine.

 

“Jennie.” She said, voice breaking and she looked so happy but all I could feel was cold dread and wary of the woman before me.

“You!” I said, unable to call her anything else.

 

 

Before I stood me stood my demons, dressed like a daydream but truly a nightmare.

Before I stood Pandora who unleashed chaos in my world.

Before I stood my mother, I wanted to be gone.

 

(｡X‿‿X｡)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!!
> 
> It's been a very long time and I am so, so sorry for keeping you guys waiting for so long. Uni has been kicking my ass, literally - I've failed lots of exams and had to re-do them which took a lot of time and I am currently having my second practice run at a middle school, but luckily we had a vacation for a week so I finally sat down and wrote this chapter :D 
> 
> But the other reason as to why this is so late is because around Christmas when I was going to write this chapter as I finally got lots of free time the sad news reached me like a slap to the face, Shinee's Jonghyun had left this world to join the stars in heaven. Jonghyun was my bias in Shinee, I miss him a lot and all my condolences goes to his family and Shinee and all shawols around the world who are still grieving. Knowing he had undergone suicide and this story, this chapter, in particular, speaks about suicide/suicidal thoughts it didn't feel appropriate to post this chapter. But after two months have gone by I felt like I could post this finally. Rest in peace Jonghyun, you're missed <3 TTmTT
> 
> To anyone out there who are in pain like how Jonghyun was, please talk to someone, anyone or go to a therapist who can help you. You're not alone and will be missed if you would decide to part from this world. I hope no one gets's defended by this chapter or this AN, it's not my intention to offend. 
> 
> I won't promise when I'll update next as I just have this weekend then the practice run (internship?) begins at school again so it will eat a lot of my time but I will try to get the next - possibly both - done by this Sunday or at the latest next weekend ^.^
> 
> That was all I think, I love you guys a lot and hope you'll have a great weekend <3 
> 
> Love, SwedishFanFictionLover


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've come a long way from where we began  
> Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again  
> When I see you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Talk of attempt or thoughts about suicide and child abuse.

(｡X‿‿X｡)

 

 

”Jennie, please, I just want to talk!” She pleaded as I walked fast to Chanyeol who stood frozen on his spot as he watched my mother hurry after me.

“Yeah? I don’t!” I spit out at her. I felt unsteady on my legs, they shook as if they would collapse any second but I kept going as I needed to get away from her, I needed to get to Chanyeol, he would keep me steady.

“Jennie, I can never take back the things I said and did to you but-”

“But what!?” I turned around sharply on my heel as I saw red, chest heaving with the anger that pumped furiously through my veins. “What the hell do you got to say that will make it better? That will make it okay? Fucking nothing, that’s what!” I yelled, wanting to get in her face and yell at her for all the pain she caused yet at the same time I wanted to flee from my tormentor. She made a move to touch me and I flinched so violently backward that I would’ve fallen unto my back if not for Chanyeol’s body appearing behind me and keeping me steady with an arm around my waist. I slumped against him, feeling his chest rumble with a deep growl and I heard him snap – I hoped – his human teeth at the devil before me.

“Don’t you fucking touch her.” He warned as he steered me so that I was partially hidden by his body and I noticed how he made himself stand even taller to make her feel threatened.

“S-sorry, I won’t.” She vowed and I laughed bitterly because if she hadn’t touched me, hadn’t slapped me or thrown words of acid at me I wouldn’t have to live with the voices in my head or the call of the knife. “Jennie, I really just want to talk, nothing more. I…. I know I don’t deserve it, I understand if you never want anything to do with me after what I’ve done but I beg of you to let us talk to one another. Let me do one thing as a good mother, you deserve as much to get the truth and thousands upon thousands of apologies…” She begged distraught, her voice frail and eyes shining with tears.

 

 

She looked desperate, as desperate as she had when she had begged my father to tell her it wasn’t the truth and that he hadn’t met his mate when he promised he would love and stay by her side. Her begging sent me back to that night in the infirmary years ago, as she begged for forgiveness for hurting me after throwing the utensils and China.

 

In the car to the airport where she begged me to stay with her.

 

To the times she actually acted like a loving mother who taught me how to do makeup.

 

The kind mother who made sure I got a good birthday no matter how low cash she had.

 

The kind mother who had read me bedtime stories and checked for monsters under the bed even though she was the true monster who lurked beneath a mask of serenity.

 

The mother who after years of sending letters of hate began sending letters of searing guilt and pleads with me reaching out so that she could do right by me.

 

“… There’s… There’s a café down the street, you will get five minutes and Chanyeol will be by my side through it all. Got it?” I said before I truly registered it in my mind.

 

I thought about what my therapist had said, about getting closure by telling mom how much she had hurt me and cutting her out of my life if I wished to her face. I thought about all the sleepless nights where I asked God and any celestial being who listened why my mother hated me. I thought about the little, sad girl inside of me who only ever wanted her mother’s love and protection who desperately wanted to hear her out and find the mother we both knew she could be.

 

It would be fine because Chanyeol was by my side and he would keep me safe.

 

 

(｡X‿‿X｡)

 

 

“I see that you’re not wearing any makeup.” She commented after a tension-filled silence once we had gotten our beverages. I flinched, glaring at her and felt my hands shaking.

“Yeah but no thanks to you.” I sneered which in turn made her flinch and her face got guilt-stricken.

“S-sorry I didn’t mean it like that… Like how I would’ve meant it in the past I just… I’m glad to see that you’re seemingly doing fine.” She said carefully and I scoffed humorlessly.

“Fine? You think I’m doing fine? I’m doing better because I’m going to a therapist to fix what you broke! For years I barely held on until Chanyeol made me see sense and got me to talk with a professional. If he hadn’t… I would’ve…” I swallowed down the thick gulp in my throat, closing my eyes to stop the tears from running as she didn’t deserve my tears. Chanyeol’s had rubbed my back, making me be able to breathe again and calm down enough to open my eyes after a while to see my mother holding a hand to her mouth. Clearly having understood what I would’ve said if my voice hadn’t given out.

“I’m so, so sorry… I’m sorry!” She pleaded over and over again like a broken record and I couldn’t bear to look at her anymore.

“Apart from your apologies didn’t you have something else to tell us because if you don’t we’ll leave now and you’ll stay away from us or I can’t promise your safety,” Chanyeol stated in a cold, clipped tone directed to the woman before me who seemingly cleared her throat and got a grip.

“S-sorry.” She apologized and with a deep sigh, she began. “The reason I came her was partial because Jennie hadn’t responded to my last letters, which I understand! I don’t even know if you had read any of them.” She sounded hopeful that I hadn’t and as such I said with a monotone voice, staring blankly out of the café window as I crushed that hope of hers.

“I did,” I said simply and in the reflection of the window I saw her deflate at the admission.

“O-Oh… That’s… Oh god…” I nearly smiled at how much that fact gave her grief but I didn’t. “W-well, then you know that I’ve been seeing a therapist… He… No, let me begin from the beginning…” She took a deep breath then the minutes turned into an hour as she spoke.

 

She told me about how in love she had been with my dad, a teenage romance which turned into one of fear of rejection as she got pregnant with me. She didn’t want to be a single mother but she wouldn’t be able to abort me either and she got really scared when she had told my dad about it. She was relieved when he got happy and wanted to stay with her still, to become a parent with her and he was so sure that this was a sign that once he reached the final maturity he would imprint on her. She was so sure of it, both were but then when he reached the age he could imprint, he didn’t imprint on her yet he stayed with her as he loved her and she loved him. But, as the months went by she grew more and more paranoid, dreading and waiting for the day he would come home and say he had found his mate. How she feared for him looking at any man or woman because they could be his mate and with one look her life with my dad could be over.

 

I felt nauseous once she told me that whenever she looked at me during her worst times of paranoia and instability and knew that if it hadn’t been for me she would’ve ended their relationship that day when they discovered she wasn’t his mate. She loved me, she did but the fear of losing her lover and some pack members as well as outsiders where the outsiders constantly judged her for being such a young mother while the pack members judged her for being stupid for staying with a werewolf who hadn’t even imprinted on her and had a child without being mated. All of it, the constant fear and being ridiculed caused her to focus all those negative feelings and hate to the one thing that truly tied her and my father together, me.

 

Every time she had hurt me she was extra kind afterward consciously, trying to make up to me as the guilt ate her alive but it was a toxic circle of repetition. She started taking out on dad as well, arguing and fighting with him in our home as she grew crazy with paranoia and I could hear the phantom yells and the sound of breaking china as she spoke. She had considered taking her life to be rid of the pain and numb feeling that had seeped into every inch of her being but found the will to live as well as the will to die depending on the day whenever she was with me.

 

It all became too much and her breaking point was when my dad broke the last of my mother by saying he had found his mate. She had lost it then, the last reign of her sanity snapping and that dreadful night where I acquired my scars occurred. She said it was as if she was behind a veil yet aware of her actions but she had never meant to throw or for things to hit me, it was unfortunate.

 

Unfortunate.

 

I wanted to laugh.

 

I listened in a daze about how the distance with my father made it better for her and I remember how she had indeed gotten better with me despite being closed off for months while letting my grandparents take care off of me. Then she met George, finally, she had a mate and she fell deeper in love than she had ever been with my father. But the aftermath of everything was still there, whenever she looked at me she saw my father and was reminded of the years in misery and she detested that I would always be a reminder. Bipolar and borderline diseases which had always been there, dormant but coming to the surface from the years of being together with my dad had caused mom to snap and sadly nearly everything was directed at me.

 

When she gave birth to my little sister she said that she was so happy, happier than she remembers being apart from the day she had given birth to me. Yet it was as if she went into a trance where she focused all her love and adoration to my sister whereas she couldn’t look at me, at my scars without being reminded of the past and what she had done and she wanted me gone. With her disease it caused her to think that it would be better if I had died, if she had never given birth to me she would’ve never gotten sick and unstable.

 

She would’ve lived happily without me.

 

It hurt.

 

That night when George had discovered she had hit me had been deliberate, the last of her conscious thought – she had planned for him to discover because she couldn’t control herself and let him orchestra me moving to my dad to be rid off of me. She felt more at ease once I was gone, she loved George and my little sister without being reminded of the past. At least in the beginning. As time went by and George attempted to keep contact with me my mom had grown very guilty, even more so when George berated her for never reaching out to me and her disease caused me to become the villain yet again as no matter what she did I would always be a reminder, a constant pain in her and she was so sick of it. That’s when she began writing the letters, wanting to be rid of me and hate me for “ruining” her marriage seeing as it caused her and George to drift apart because of her hatred for me.

 

Eventually, George had it and made an ultimatum, either she got treatment or he would take my little sister with him and leave my mom to live her unhealthy, hateful life of self-misery and self-pity. I was reminded of the letter where she had written George had left her but she told me they kept contact as she forced herself to go into a psychiatric clinic. It took time, months before they could fully diagnose her seeing as she had to be transferred until she came to a clinic for people who were part of the supernatural society. There she could finally get the treatment she needed and once she did, she realized her mistake with me.

 

That’s when she began the letters telling me how much she regretted how she had treated me, how she missed me and wanted another chance to be a mother, the mother I should’ve had. She had given up hope of me answering so she stopped writing after the last letter as she understood that she had burned all the bridges.

 

Until I had called George that is.

 

“When I came home from a day after work he told me you had called him.” She said, wringing her hands in the fabric of her coat. “It was the first contact you had ever made, he was so happy and you’re little sister excited even if she didn’t really understand how significant it was or who you were.” She smiled softly and I couldn’t help but do the same, even if it was bitter when I thought about the little sister I didn’t know anymore but missed. “After discussing it with my therapist I decided to take a risk after so many years, she told me to be cautious as we had no idea just what your therapy entailed and if the sight of me would cause a setback for you. But I couldn’t waste more time than I already had and as such, I took the first flight available and traveled here.” She looked up and seemed surprised to find me looking right at her but eased a little as she smiled, almost bashfully as she did. “I didn’t know how to reach out though, it was a belated realization. I was far too ashamed to call your father but I knew where the pack's children went to school. So I went to your school but I didn’t see you, as I walked back to the hotel however I saw you came out from a psychiatric clinic building and Chanyeol put his arm around you.” She smiled wistfully, blinking away tears. “Even if it had been years I knew it was you the moment I saw you, it was only confirmed when I recognized those elf ears on Chanyeol. You two had always been so close, I’m glad you still are.” She said with a genuine smile and now it was my turn to blink away tears.

“Why didn’t you walk up to me?” I asked, hating how weak my voice was.

“I was scared, I was terrified of walking up to you and you wouldn’t even recognize me or worse, you would reject me.” Tears ran down her cheeks as she chuckled without any humor. “Which is to be expected after all the sins I’ve committed towards you, so I settled on looking over you from afar and build up the courage to approach you but as time went by it got even more difficult to do so and I’m leaving in three weeks as I need to return to my job. With that in mind, when I saw you walking down the street with Chanyeol ahead I just went without thinking and pushed past the fear in order to do what I came here to do before it was too late.” This time I didn’t flinch away as she hesitantly, carefully reached over the table to put her frail hand on my scarred one, softer than she had ever touched me as if I was chipped china that could crumble at the lightest of pressure. “I can’t take back what I did or said but I want you to know that I regret it all and that I don’t want you to hurt any longer. You’re my daughter and I love you even if I don’t deserve to do so or call you my daughter and I understand if you want nothing to do with me anymore. If so, I’ll still make sure your sister will keep in touch with you and get to know you, it’s the very least I can do.” She made a move to pull away from her hand but I gripped it so strongly it surprised me as well but I couldn’t let her go.

 

Not now. Not after I knew what I knew about her. One of the hardest things one could do was forgive someone. I might never be able to forgive her but I could understand. She was sick. Not having control of her body or mind. I knew it all too well from my suicidal thoughts and complex of my scarred skin. Trapped in memories. Trapped within my messed up mind. No way out. Failing. Until Chanyeol allowed me to open up, helped me get help and finally, I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The bad and the good, it had been my mother and as she sat her before me, vulnerable and open and barely looking at me because of her own guilt I made the decision of getting to know the stranger before me. The stranger who had visited me during my childhood with her kindness and love, the stranger who could’ve been my mom if not for her mental instability and I was weak. I was weak for wanting the love of the mother I never had. The mother I had cried for even as the woman wearing her face had screamed profanities at me.

 

I wanted my mom and even if it came up to bite me in the ass there was Chanyeol’s constant, steady presence who would be there to bare teeth and protect me if needed.

 

I trusted him to help to keep me together if need be.

 

“No, the very least you owe me is trying to act like the mother we both know you can be. I’m not letting you run away and be a coward, you’ll get to know the current me that you’ve helped with creating and take responsibility for your actions.” I sniffled as the tears ran down my cheeks. “Don’t push me away or leave me again.” I pleaded. “Because even if you tried to break me you only caused me to bent and I will show you that I’m stronger. But I can only do that if you’re here to see it and if you talk to me.” I said and choked on a sob. “I can’t call you mom yet, maybe not ever but I want to get to know you and I want you to get to know me. Okay?”

“… I don’t deserve it…” She said, fat tears running down her cheeks and she had difficulty breathing.

“You’re right so don’t fucking blew it, this is the one and only chance you’ll get,” I warned and she nodded quickly.

“J-Jennie.” She sobbed and turned her hand in mine for a handshake. “My name is Sooyoung and it’s very lovely to meet you.” She said and I put my head on the table top as I sobbed my longs out while a hand rubbed my back and I knew that it would be okay.

 

 

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Chanyeol didn’t trust Sooyoung, he was wary off of her whenever I met with Sooyoung as he was afraid she would hurt me again. He was so protective and worried for me, he had even taken to scenting me before I left and whenever I came back from an outing with Sooyoung. It was endearing. It was heartbreaking. He was my rock as I got to know Sooyoung anew, even if it was a bit awkward and very careful we really did get to know each other. On meds and seeing her therapist few times a month she was a very decent human being, she was kind and when she laughed I realized where I had the eye smile from. It was nice getting to know her but I was cautious and told everything to Chanyeol after each meeting. He had acted nonchalant when he said she was on probation for at least 5 years in his eyes but I knew he meant it and it reassured me endlessly. To have him look out for me in case my head got lost in the pink clouds as I got to know Sooyoung and make sure I always found my way back to earth, to him.

 

But it also made me realize how dependent I was off of him, how I had come to care about and couldn’t imagine my life without him ever again. Those years in New Zeeland away from him were enough for me to miss him for a lifetime and it felt like I could never spend enough time with him in order for that feeling to get away. He made me laugh. He made me feel safe. He made me feel comfortable. He was my rock. He was my phoenix wolf. He was the man I had come to fall in love with and it terrified me. I didn’t want to fall in love with a wolf, I didn’t want to end up like Sooyoung even if it worked out for her in the end. And as such, she was thereby the only person I could talk with about it since she was a human and had overcome the pain after many years of treatment.

 

“Sooyoung, I… I’ve fallen in love with Chanyeol and I don’t know what to do…” I said, barely a whisper as we sat side by side on a bench within the airport.

 

Chanyeol was outside of the building together with my dad, the two werewolves not being able to stand all the different scents and noises in such a cramped space. My dad had given mom the scolding of her life once she made herself known to him as well by me and George’s insistence but once she had told him what she told me he eased up a little and like me decided to give her one single chance. So they were civil with each other and I hoped that they would one day grow to be friends again like they had been before feelings and the aftermath of those feelings happened.

 

“I know.” She said with a sigh and I looked at her in utter surprise and she smiled indulgently. “You look at Chanyeol the same way I looked at your father, adoration but masked cautiousness. Which is painful but wise.” She said and I felt like I had been doused with a bucket of icy water because if she who had only gotten to know me for a few days could tell did it mean that Chanyeol knew too!? “Chanyeol knows, that sweet wolf is really good to you.”

“Oh my god.” I hid my face in my hands as I trembled in the anxiety of Chanyeol knowing my feelings yet have still been there for me as the best friend he was.

“It’s needless to say but don’t make the same mistake as I did.” She said and patted my back gently, making me look up at her and seeing her look contemplative before she sighed. “It’s your choice though Jennie, if you decide to have a romance with him even if it’s for a limited but before you even attempt to make such a grave decision considering our past let me ask you this.” I sat up straighter at the wise, old, weary tone she had as she looked me right in the eye. “Are you sure you’re in love with him or are you in love with the idea of him?”

“What?” I asked, utterly confused and shocked at that question.

“What I mean is, and don’t get me wrong because Chanyeol is a nice boy and it’s good he’s keeping an eye on me for the time being, it makes me trust him to look after you but make sure to not confuse your feelings for him with hero worshipping.” She put a hand on mine, squeezing it. “You’ve told me he’s been there for you ever since you got back, the two of you rekindling your friendship and growing to be best of friends. You also told me how much of a supporter he’s been ever since he discovered that letter, how he has made sure you go to your scheduled meetings and giving you the time you need to heal. Which is great, it’s great to have someone like that but don’t confuse the gratefulness and dependency on him for love. It wouldn’t be fair to your nor him if that were to be the case.” She explained even further, softly and careful yet not staying away from the honesty and I appreciated it.

 

 

It was what I needed to hear. I knew if I had asked dad or even Seulgi about it that the two would’ve encouraged me to be careful but follow my heart, but just like how Sooyoung said I couldn’t trust my heart. My heart had been stomped on, wrangled and had scars that would never go away but were soothed and cradle with the warmth of the reliable, caring Chanyeol who would give up his tail if it meant I would smile. I had loved him as a friend. But had that love grown into just a deeper sense of friendship or to the romantic sense? Was it dependency and safety or passion and the feeling of home that drove me to him? I didn’t know but I knew for sure I would find out and for that, I was grateful for Sooyoung’s honesty.

 

“Thank you, I needed that,” I told her, grateful and tears prickling my eyes as she cupped my cheek with the scar, stroking it carefully and lovingly.

“Any time Jennie.” She vowed and for the first time in years, I trusted that vow. The announcer talked about Sooyoung’s flight which would soon depart. The two of us got up from the seat, Sooyoung looked hesitant so I closed the distance between us to hug her briefly but meaningfully. She looked as if she would cry from the hug managed to compose herself and gave me a watery smile. “I’m only ever a call away from now on and when you’re ready, we can maybe see if you can come and visit us or if I can bring George and your sister with me the next time.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” I agreed and watched as she took hold of her suitcases. “I’ll call you.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it, bye Jennie, take care of yourself and make sure to dress warmly as it will get even colder soon.” She smiled widely at me and I returned it.

“Likewise and make sure to say hi to George and the little one from me.” She nodded and with a soft, whispered goodbye from me I watched her leave and get lost in the crowd of people.

 

 

(｡◕‿‿◕｡)

 

My conversation with Sooyoung replays inside of my head whenever I’m with Chanyeol, as I try to decipher my feelings for him. It’s not as easy as I hoped it would be but whether or not they’re out of romantic feelings or hero worship I enjoy being in his company. He brings out the silly side of me, like when he acted all confident during the basketball game but the minute he accidentally cursed and said “shit” he had covered his hands embarrassedly and I had sat there in the middle of the crowd giggling until my body ached. For a guy who could take down five fully grown men without breaking out in sweat but swearing in front of elders and he would blush red in embarrassment.

 

And for a guy who could literally shift into a big-as-a-horse wolf, he loved his Scooby Doo costume with the excitement one would usually find in a kid. He was currently trying to dance on the dance floor of Yuka Nakamoto’s house, grin lethal and laughter contagious as he tried to get me to join him on the dance floor. I had tried fighting him off all evening but with his pleading puppy eyes I gave up with a roll of my eyes and let myself be dragged unto the makeshift dance floor. I was dressed as Shaggy along with an awful wig but I was not complaining because these were probably one of the most comfortable party clothes I had ever worn. Why weren’t I born a guy with a passion for hippie clothes?

 

Chanyeol wasn’t the best dancer out there but he didn’t care because dancing for him was all about having fun and letting loose. I was naturally a bit more reserved but as he made silly faces and gently pulled at my arms to get me moving along the rhythm I forgot about my inhibitions and danced as if no one was watching. My arms were covered with makeup because while I could be around Chanyeol, my family, Jisoo, and Rosé without makeup I wasn’t ready to be without makeup around other people, yet but I had a goal of going to school without the maniacal need of covering up my skin by springtime. I let them up into the air as I cheered along with Chanyeol who howled because someone had put on the Monster High song Fright Song. Our bodies followed one another, he leads me through the dancing masterly and obviously made sure no guy or girl even thought about putting their hands on me which was sweet.

 

By the time we were walking through the woods on our way home, a bit behind of the others I felt exhausted in a good way. My limbs were lethargic and tired from hours of dancing, throat sore from cheering Chanyeol on as he had played beer pong – even though human alcohol barely did anything to werewolves because of their high metabolism – and tummy aching from the laughter. Overall it had been a great Halloween party, I smiled when I thought about how Yuta had tried to kiss Jisoo only to have Jongin intervening and kissing him instead. Everybody had hollered, Jisoo had nearly died of laughter at the look on Yuta’s face and high fived Jongin after their con.

 

“Jennie, I have a surprise for you so we won’t be going back to the pack.” I whipped my head to Chanyeol, eyebrows raised but he just grinned mischievously which in turn caused me to narrow my eyes at him.

“What have you planned Yoda?” I questioned but all the same, I allowed him to steer me away from the others course.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told would it?” He sassed and I rolled my eyes at him. “Guys! Jennie and I’ll be doing the thing I told you about, see you tomorrow!”

“They know!?” I asked incredulously and gaped at Jisoo and Rosé who were giggling towards us while waving goodbye whereas the guys hollered and made wolf whistles. I flipped them all off and muttered under my breath about assholes who kept secrets from me.

 

I was pleasantly surprised that Chanyeol had to lead me to the lake where a tent had been set up. Smiling I sat down on a log and watched as Chanyeol got the fire going. While he did I looked around, the lake sparkling from the stars in the night sky and the air turning into smoke every time I took a breath as it had turned very cold fast in a matter of weeks but we had yet to see any snow so I wasn’t complaining.

 

My gaze went from the stars in the sky to the Phoenix before me, still wearing his Scooby Doo costume but his Scooby Doo head had been placed in the tent so I could see his face. His face was set into concentration as he tried to light the firewood, brows furrowed. I followed the slope of his straight nose, his soft looking lips and his unique, lovely elf looking ears that were nearly hidden in his unruly, red hair. Even before I realized what I felt for Chanyeol might be more than platonic I knew he was a very handsome man. He was soon to be twenty, just weeks from now and would be able to imprint. I was sixteen. Four years of the age difference but never did he make me feel like a little kid nor did I think of him as an old guy. It certainly didn’t stop my heart from fluttering whenever he smiled or when he did something clumsy.

 

As gazed at him I knew this was more than hero worship, my feelings were genuine for him as they had been there since even before he helped me find light in the tunnel only they had grown more intense as I let him inside my shell.

 

Why did I allow this to happen?

 

“So, what now?” I asked and took off my wig, letting my hair loose after taking it out of its braids and the hairpins. I put it all in the tent behind me inside the Scooby Doo head so nothing would be lost. “Please tell me we’ll make s’mores.”

“Eventually but you haven’t gotten the surprise yet.” He said cryptically and I furrowed my eyebrows as he suddenly seemed nervous.

“I haven’t?” He swallowed thickly, wiping his hands on his costume once the fire was blazing and sat down beside me but not before reaching for his guitar in the tent. “What is it then?”

“A song… That I’ve written for you.” He admitted quietly and I wanted to blame the fire for making it look as if his cheeks tinged pink. I certainly was going to blame it on that if Chanyeol commented on my burning cheeks.

“What?” I said in surprise, blinking as he propped his leg up and tried out a few chords.

“Jennie, I’ll sing for you.” He smiled nervously then began playing the guitar.

 

The melody was soft, nostalgic, warm and longing. When he began singing, I was first struck by his raspy singing voice that Chanyeol had. Giving the kind of warmth like hot chocolate gave on cold winter nights. But there was a rawness in it as he sang and that’s when I truly listened to the words he sang and I was transfixed with the melody he sang, the way the fire cast shadows and a golden hue on his skin. My heart felt like it could bust as I realized that it was not about what he was singing but the fact he sang it to me.

 

Chanyeol was confessing his love to me and never had I ever experienced something as bittersweet as that.

 

He looked me right in the eye as he sang, the vulnerable truth of his lyrics reflection in his eyes which were alpha golden as he most likely couldn’t control the intensity of his own feelings. Neither could I as I stared at him with an aching heart, not being able to breathe and when he was done I wasn’t aware I was crying before he wiped my cheeks with his thumb gently. Before he pulled his hand away I took it in both my hands and cradled it to my face as I cried. He put the guitar away before he pulled me to sit on his lap which I did willingly, hiding my face in the crook of his neck and our arms wrapped around one another tightly. I didn’t need to say that I loved him, he knew and he had confessed to me and I couldn’t handle it. It was too much and not enough. It sucked, it fucking sucked because we didn’t know if I was his imprint and we could never be if we weren’t.

 

“Why? WHY!?” I wailed, hands curling into the fabric of his costume and he hushed me soothingly even though he was crying just as badly.

“Because you confessed to me without knowing so it was only fair I confused to you.” He sobbed and pressed a kiss to my temple.

“B-but… Imprinting?” I pulled away from his neck to look at him, hands lifting to wipe away his own tears that made his golden eyes sparkle in the light of the fire. “This… We’ll hurt each other and I don’t want that… I can’t… I can’t be with you only to find out you’re not mine to have… Chanyeol… What will we do?” I asked helplessly, breath hitching as he licked a stripe against my cheek in pure affection and got rid of the tears. He nuzzled my other cheek as I hiccupped, trying to gain control of my breathing but it was proving difficult because even he had recuperated my feelings it was not meant to be if we were to be torn apart on his birthday.

“Jennie, do you trust me?” He asked instead, leveling his steady gaze on me and I didn’t even hesitate.

“Only you. Always you.” I vowed, sniffling.

“Then… we’ll do it like this… I’ll leave with the party that’s departing for the Ringa Linga clan for negotiations in two days and I’ll be back by the time my birthday has passed. When I return we’ll meet up here.” He pecked my nose. “Whether you’re my mate or not I’ll always be by your side, you know what right?” I pecked his nose in return.

“Ditto, you dork.” I smiled, chuckling with him and I could tell he wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him but we restrained ourselves and settled with hugging each other, hiding our faces in the crooks of our necks.

 

Two days later we sat in his room, per tradition I gave him Black Cat while he gave me Spiderman with smiles that only he and I knew the true meaning off. Once he had finished packing I followed him outside, families and friends were saying goodbye and wishing the party a safe journey and a fruitful negotiation.

 

I stood by Chanyeol as he ruffled Rosé’s hair and promised her he would be okay, kissing her on top of her head and giving his guitar to her so she could keep it safe while he was gone. Rosé was crying, she had always been sensitive and easy to tears whether she was happy or sad. Sehun offered Chanyeol a monotone good luck before he pulled Rosé close and with a sigh began to comfort her in his own awkward way. I saw his mother and father kiss his cheeks, telling him to stay out of trouble and be careful if they met any strays or enemies on their way. He made a scout sign with his fingers, grinning as they rolled their eyes fondly at him and that’s when he turned to me.

 

His gaze fond, smile just on the edge of melancholy as he opened his arms and I went into them willingly. I put my ear to his heart, hearing it pound beneath me and knew my heart was beating at the same pace. I didn’t want to let go, I wanted to live in the bubble of our feelings aligning and not having to worry about whether I was his mate or not but that was not life. It was a wish and wishes rarely come true.

 

“One month.” I love you.

“One month.” I love you too.

 

Then we parted, our hearts as one but growing further and further apart until I couldn’t see him and only Father Fate could bring them together if it were meant to be.

 

 

 **｡゜** **(** **｀** **Д´** **)** **゜｡**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!!
> 
> The song Chanyeol was singing to Jennie was EXO's song Sing for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqaSboKBIuA 
> 
> What happened? The fuck if I know XD I was suddenly hit by inspiration and just like that, I had spent the whole day writing this and my fingers are aching fuck X'D
> 
> but what did you think of Jennie's decision of getting to know Sooyoung? And what of Chanjen's confession? How do you guys feel? Do you need a tissue? Because I cried while writing this whole chapter, it was such an emotional rollercoaster for me and damn, this was the next-to-last chapter. It's been a long journey and I can't believe it's coming to an end nearly a year after. But I'll be emotional in the last chapter, for now, thanks for reading and have a nice day <3
> 
> Love, SwedishFanFictionLover


	6. Final chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once upon a time, there was a woman who found a Phoenix who was there for her, protecting her and they fell in love but the red string of fate had yet to show and if it didn't show they couldn't be together.
> 
> And in this chapter, we'll see if Father Fate is smiling upon them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any grammatical errors or typos ^^'
> 
> Also, this chapter contains consensual underage sex! If you want to skip it you should skip to the second ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) figure. 
> 
> Happy reading everyone!

(｡◕‿‿◕｡)

 

I ran as fast as my legs could take me, hoping I wasn’t too late. Berating myself for being such a coward who had holed up in her room all day of the return of their pack members because I was too scared to face Chanyeol and be faced with the slap of reality that he wouldn’t be my mate. This past month when he had been gone I had prepared myself for the rejection, for when he would say I wasn’t his mate and in all ways considered I was ready logically but my heart couldn’t bear it still and felt exposed, vulnerable and would break anew if it ended up with him not being my mate.

 

 

I couldn’t deal with it.

 

I was too frightened to face it.

 

 

And as such I had hidden away in my room for the whole day, not talking to anyone nor risking looking out the window in case he was there. I would’ve probably stayed there too if my gaze hadn’t fallen upon Spiderman, reminding me of his vow of always being there for me no matter what and Chanyeol never broke his vows, so why would I break mine? What right did I have to do that? Was there any excuse for it? No, no there wasn’t anything as such and it wouldn’t be right to Chanyeol to not be there when he came there because even if he didn’t end up being my mate he was still my best friend and he deserved as much. We weren’t my parents but I would be damned if I made the same mistake as them and continued in a relationship with a wolf that wasn’t mine.

 

 

I prayed to Artemis that I wouldn’t be too late, I hadn’t seen any of the party being back yet but considering Chanyeol would be going to the lake he would be there before the party got back to the village square. I forced my legs to move faster, I ignored the burn of my legs and sent a little prayer that there wouldn’t be a slippery spot that I would step on.

 

 

Artemis must’ve looked after me because I made it to the lake in one piece but Chanyeol wasn’t there. I stood there, panting and forcing myself to remain calm, to not run away from this once again but actually stay and take the bull by its horns. The tent that was always present stood there, one day they would turn it into a small cabin once they’ve found time to do so but either way, it was enough for me. I made a fire and then sat in the tent with a blanket around me, waiting for Father Fate to come knocking at my door and giving me the news.

 

I didn’t know how long I sat there, staring mindlessly into the flames as the years went by the inside of my head like a movie with moments of Chanyeol and me.

 

When we first met through Sehun and Chanyeol took an instant liking to me even if I had to warm up to him.

 

When we first played together after I finally let him into my walls and we played with Black Cat and Spiderman.

 

When he for the first time took away my pain by giving me a kiss on my scraped knee.

 

That day when we exchanged Black Cat and Spiderman the first time.

 

That day when we were reunited. The day when he hugged me that day in the P.E hall. The day I told him the truth about my scars and he stayed with me anyway.

 

That night by the fire when I wanted to kiss him but didn’t.

 

 

All of it came to this day where we would know whether to stay as friends or start our lives as lovers.

 

And I wasn’t ready when I heard his steps.

 

I nearly didn’t go out of the tent when I heard the distant but surely closing in steps of a wolf sprinting but with one deep breath and the thought of Spiderman back in my room I threw away the blanket and got out of the tent. I looked towards where the sound came from, not breathing as the russet colored wolf came through the trees and shifted mid-sprint into Chanyeol. The tall male ran until he stood all but a meter before me, chest heaving as if he had run all the way home, maybe he had and it made my heart flutter despite the fact that it felt too frightened too even beat in the silence that only consisted of Chanyeol’s panting and the sound of the forest.

 

 

He didn’t look at me straight away but at the ground, composing himself and I tried to do the same but I could never truly prepare for the chilling fear and anticipation I felt as he suddenly looked right at me, meeting my eyes and… And his eyes fell that into shock, a tear running down his cheek and I felt as if I had been thrown into a lake in the winter with rocks weighing me down until I reached the bottom and drowned in unbearable pain. _I’m not his mate! I’m not his mate! I’m not his mate!_ Replayed in my head, screeching and wheezing and I felt as if I would black out from the searing ache but before I could even as much fall down to my knees he stomped up to me and pulled me into his sweaty chest making me freeze in shock. _What’s going on!? Is he comforting me? He’s being there for me still, just like he promised… Damn it…_ I wanted to cry but were unable to do so.

 

Until he said what I had wanted to hear for years.

 

“Artemis, thank you for blessing me with Jennie as my mate, thank fucking goddess.”

 

It broke the dam and my tears flooded down my cheeks and I held him tightly against me. He cried too, sniffling and body shuddering from the overbearing elation that I felt myself in my very bones. _Mine! He’s mine and I’m his! I’m his mate, I’m his mate, I AM HIS MATE!_ I pulled away from his chest to find him staring at me with the golden eyes of an alpha and nearly combusted from the pure love and adoration that were directed at me.

 

“Hi mate.” He said with a grin, sniffling and I felt myself doing the same.

“Hi dork,” I said, making him release a sobbing laugh and I said what I had wanted to do for months, years honestly. “I… I love you… I-I love you, I’ve loved you for so long but I was scared you wouldn’t be mine but you are and I can’t believe this is happening.”

“You better start believing it because I’m here to stay just like I promised, I’ve loved you for so long and I can finally cherish you in the way that you’ve always deserved. I love you so much Jennie, will you have me?”

“As if you even need to ask you, idiot!” I cried, laughing and felt sparks travel throughout my body as he bent down and put his lips on mine. Nothing could ever compare to the feeling of his lips on mine, it wasn’t fireworks or an explosion but rather than calm, loyal flame that would burn for eons and made me repeat the word _home_ over and over again. When we parted for air it didn’t feel enough, I needed more, I wanted more and I begun pulling him with me towards the tent.

“Jennie?” He asked dazed, still woozy from the kiss and it made me smile and peck his lips briefly.

“Chanyeol, I want you to make love to me, show me how to love someone and mark me so that there won’t ever be a question where my home is,” I demanded, sniffling and felt nervous as he sobered up and looked at me with a serious look as he considered it all. I knew it wasn’t because he wouldn’t want me but knowing Chanyeol he was probably more worried if I felt pressured from hearing all the stories of mating or because of my past creeping up on me and making me desperate to fully bond before I was ready just because I was desperate to feel the void of belonging. “Chanyeol, it’s what I really want and not just because of my parents or anyone else. I want to be connected to you because I love you and I don’t want to wait even a single minute for the claiming.” I said sincerely, he looked contemplative for a few seconds before he softened.

“Are you sure?” I nodded. “And if you change your mind, not feeling ready you can stop me at any time and we’ll just cuddle, understood? I don’t want to hurt you.” I nodded which made him pout. “Please say it out loud for my sake so I know I’ve heard you agree to it.”

“I am sure and you would never hurt me,” I said with great conviction, knowing full well that Chanyeol would rather gnaw off his own arm before he ever hurt me in any way. “Claim me, alpha,” I said and smiled at the groan he let out.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” But before I could retort that he pulled me in for a slow, gentle yet yearning kiss and we got into the tent without breaking it.

 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

We kissed for what felt like an eternity, just kissing and holding each other close without any hurry to move on to the next step. Simply enjoying the simplicity yet sensational connection through kissing and making up for all the kisses we had wanted to share but never dared to. I felt like I could never get enough of kissing Chanyeol but as he carefully licked my lips I felt my core burn with warmth as I parted them and let his tongue entangle with mine. Neither of us had any experience with mating or even kissing, we were both beginners but instead of being a turnoff or making us stop from the nerves it made us more excited to learn together. I had read and seen enough books as well as TV shows to know what mating entailed and trusted Chanyeol enough that he would make our first time as pleasant as possible.

 

He was already naked from having to be in wolf form prior to coming to the lake so we only had to divest me off of my clothes. But not before he broke our lip lock to close the opening of the tent to shield me from the cold, not that I needed it seeing as he was so warm, even warmer than usual and when asked he told me his guardian power had been the Phoenix, the fire and I stared in awe at the Guardian mark of a phoenix on his back in deep crimson with shades of gold and amber to illuminate the tattoo. I laughed then, not being able to stop myself at Father Fate’s twisted humor as I had always pictured Chanyeol as a phoenix within my mind, always warm and inspiring me that even if I turned to ashes from the world crumbling me down I could always be reborn from the ashes and begin anew. Chanyeol had stared at me in utter, adorable confusion and asked what had been so funny only for me to promise I would tell him later.

 

Sitting on our knees we helped with getting rid of my clothes, getting the jacket, the jumper and the socks off didn’t cause me to get nervous but when I caught the side of the tiny scars on my arms, on my foot I began to grow very self-conscious. Even if I had been getting better and never felt the need to hide my imperfections from Chanyeol I suddenly felt that I wasn’t good enough for him, his skin smooth and tanned from the warm summers whereas mine was littered with tiny and big scars. As if he knew he pecked my cheek for a moment, right on my biggest scar of them all and I felt the tears running down my cheeks silently. But it didn’t deter him the slightest as he left kisses down my arms, on every scar I had and traveled the same way up again. His eyes stayed golden, letting me know his wolf was very near the surface and they both wanted me, they both loved me and were showing me that they loved me, with all my little imperfections.

 

My fingers weaved into his red locks, watery eyes meeting his and we smiled slowly at each other, not feeling the need to say what we both knew and rather kissed once more. From there one for every article of clothing that left my body, Chanyeol showered the exposed skin with kisses and caresses as light as a feather that left a pleasant burn where they had just traveled. When I was left with nothing, when I was just as naked as him we laid down on the soft mattress. His body covered mine, shielding me from everything and making me relax as the safety of it all enveloped me like a blanket.

 

Our sounds of pleasure broke the silence of the tent, my core beginning to throb as he alternated with sucking and rolling my nipples between his fingers. My hands caressed his lean but muscled body, scratching when a particularly pleasured wave traveled from my core throughout my body and my eyes nearly bugged out as his lips descended down my body, past my tummy until he was where nobody else had ever been. That first tentative lick to my core had me gasping, fingers clutching the comforter and I arched my back as he continued licking and sucking on the tender flesh. I couldn’t breathe as it felt so good, I cried out when he latched his lips unto that tiny little pearl which had my body convulsing.

 

When I first reached orgasm I hadn’t been prepared, crying at the pure euphoria that clouded my vision and my body trembling with aftershocks. I whimpered when he growled, licking me clean before he put the first finger inside off of me. It had felt odd, not hurtful but weird but as he tried and after a few tries succeeded to rub my pearl while his finger pushed in and out of me it began to feel really good again. It had been a long process of preparing me, the second and third finger hurting me once he added them but he did it slowly and licked and sucked on me pearl to make it more pleasurable.

 

When he after the fourth finger asked me if I was ready and if I still wanted to go all the way I had nearly hit him out of frustration and want to see as I had built up for an orgasm for a very long while but unable to come. He came up to me again and I didn’t care that he had my release on his lips as I pulled him in for a deep kiss. I didn’t mind the taste as much as I thought I would and moaned when I felt his hard length leave a wet trail on my inner thigh, I had seen it a lot of times when it was soft as for werewolves there weren’t anything such as caring about nudity as it was a very natural state of being for them because of them shifting a lot and couldn’t afford to destroy every article of clothing they owned.

 

I was pleasantly surprised to see him procure a condom as I hadn’t thought about protection at all but I was confused as to why he had it. Seeing my look he had blushed and said that Baekhyun and Minseok frequently used the tent to mate and had a stash of condoms laying around. Nodding I had stopped him from tearing it, smiling shyly as I took it and torn it open instead. Then I did my best to put it on his throbbing length, blushing at the deep growl of pleasure he let out and because of my curiosity, I pumped him a few times after the condom was on and felt myself grow wetter at the sight of Chanyeol at my mercy from the pleasure. I made a note there and then that the next time I would pleasure him but for now, I laid down and hooked my legs around him once he laid down between my legs.

 

He looked me in the eye, asking me again if I was ready and with a kiss, to his lips, I hummed in confirmation. I clutched at him when he got inside off of me as it hurt a hell of a lot more than when he prepared me but I begged him to keep going until he was fully inside and once he was he stayed perfectly still in order to let me adjust. His chest rumbled in contentment, he nuzzled my cheek and neck as he effectively scented me even more and the familiar gesture made me relax even further.

 

The first time I moved we both groaned and with every slow but deep thrust the pain gave way for pleasure and we kept at the prolonged pace as we built towards the crescendo. We shared kisses and words of endearment, growls and whimpers and my heart opening up for him and only him during our most private and vulnerable joining. I couldn’t believe how weird yet pleasurable the feeling of his knot growing felt inside of me, pressing against places which caused the ball of pleasure in my stomach intensifying.

 

I writhed when the knot locked into place, he kept rocking into me and his chest rubbed against mine, stimulating my nipples. When we reached the edge of the orgasm he buried his head in the crook of my neck and when I begged him to claim me I felt the incisors brush against my skin before they plunged deep. I came with a scream, my vision giving out and his name on repeat through my lips.

 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

When I came to Chanyeol was rumbling in contentment while licking my claim mark, he had moved me so I was lying on him and I could feel that we were still connected so I hadn’t been out long. He must’ve noticed I was awake because he stopped licking my neck to lick my cheek instead before using his nose to tip my head up so that I looked down at him. The dull throb in my neck, the fullness of him in me and the soft gaze he sent me I was truly at home and safe for once and for all in every single way.

 

“Thank you,” I said softly, not wanting to disrupt the atmosphere. He gave me an adorable quirk of his lips as he furrowed his eyebrows slightly.

“For what?” He asked as his eyes fluttered closed when I bent down to kiss him before parting once more to answer him.

“Honestly? Everything…” I could say so much more but I didn’t need to as Chanyeol got it anyway.

“You never need to thank for something that should be given, you deserve every bit of happiness I could give and I vow that from this night on I’ll always keep you safe.” I sniffled and nuzzled my nose against his. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” And connected our lips one last time before we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

 

 

(｡◕‿‿◕｡)

 

“Daddy!” I looked up from my sketchbook of designs, seeing 8-year-old Johnny running from where he had been playing with his toys to Chanyeol who picked him up for a hug. I smiled as I watched my two boys catching up, letting them have their moment before I made my way over to them and pulled Chanyeol down for a sound kiss.

“Welcome home Channie.” I greeted, matching his wide grin and walking with him back to the living room.

“It’s great to be back, I missed you.” He said as he sat down beside me on the couch with Johnny in his lap.

“What about me?” Johnny asked making us chuckle.

“Of course I missed my favorite son.” Chanyeol cooed only to blink in surprise as Johnny rolled his eyes.

“I’m your only son.” Johnny pointed out much to our great surprise and even if I had tried I wouldn’t have been able to stop my laughter. Chanyeol did his best though and pecked Johnny’s cheeks until the boy giggled and begged him to stop.

“And it means I can love you even more,” Chanyeol told our boy who escaped daddy’s love bug to play with Black Cat on the living room floor but we could hear how he whispered to her about it being fine that Chanyeol kissed him because you couldn’t get cooties from daddies. “How’s the design coming along?” Chanyeol asked as he put an arm around me and pulled me close.

“Great actually, I think my client will be happy with it so that I can start creating it.” I stroked his hair, enjoying the way he rumbled and slid down the couch so he could rest his head on my chest. “How are you?”

“Jennie and Johnny deprived, I think I might recover with lots of cuddles and kisses but we need to begin soon before it’s too late.” I rolled my eyes and pushed his head away making him whine. “Are you sure you’re in your early thirties?” I questioned and laughed when he sent me a betrayed puppy look.

“Mommy?” I looked at Johnny who walked up to me while carrying Black Cat. “When does Ten come home? I miss him!”

“Lisa told me to tell you that Ten misses you too, he’s taking good care of Spiderman and they’ll be back tomorrow.” Johnny cheered and danced around then he said something about making Black Cat look nice for Spiderman and ran out of the room. “Johnny is just like you when you were at that age,” I said in awe as Chanyeol sat up properly and smiled at me.

“Hopelessly in-love with his best friend? Yeah, you’re right.” I blushed, hiding a smile in his shoulder.

“Stop it!” I whined, smiling even more as he kissed the scar on my cheek. “You’re such a dork.”

“Always and forever.” He cooed. “Just like my love for you is-” He laughed when I tackled him down on the couch and begun to tickle attack him.

“You’re so cheesy!” I complained when I let up the tickle attack. “But wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.”

“Good, because we’re not going anywhere, right Johnny?” I looked down at him confused but then I shrieked as I was shot in the back with something wet. When I turned around Johnny stood there with a water gun directed at me and he was giggling.

“You’re our hostage mommy and we’re never letting you go!” He said cheerfully making me and Chanyeol laugh.

“Oh no! Save me Black Cat!” I wailed dramatically and got off Chanyeol’s lap to run away from my “captors”.

 

That afternoon as we played together with water guns and as I watched Chanyeol going over strategies with Johnny on how to capture me, I realized I was truly blessed to have him in my life as he gave me stability, safety, love and he gave me a chance to create a family where instead of fearing of walking on landmines that set off fighting we told each other when something was up and resolved it. I had been nervous of becoming a mother, afraid that I would fuck it up because I didn’t really know what it was like to have a good mother until later on in my teenage years thanks to Seulgi but Chanyeol had steered and supported me and reminded me that we were two in this and would raise our child together.  

 

Years later we were still going strong and Johnny was living with a loving family and felt fine. I felt accomplished every night when I tucked him into bed and he went to dreamland with a smile on his face.

 

 

(｡◕‿‿◕｡)

 

 

Once upon a time, there was a goddess named Artemis who blessed wolves with the ability to transform into humans once they had lived long enough. These creatures were later on called werewolves, they were her children and as her children she expected them to live good and do good. Hence why she blessed some werewolves with powers out of this world to perish those who spread chaos and misery. The werewolves had compassion for humans, protecting those who couldn’t protect themselves and as a reward for their good doings, she talked with Cupid who blessed the werewolves with the ability of imprinting so that they could find their Soulmates easier.

 

But Father Fate wasn’t bound to Artemis or Cupid, for all the red strings that connected people there were knots they would need to overcome to find each other and be with each other but he was just. Father Fate worked in mysterious ways, he may give us hardships but in the end, if we hold on and fight with every breath we take. If we find strength in those around us and take help when needed he may just show mercy on us and lead us to find the person who’s your other half.

 

 Who completes and challenges you.

 

 Who loves and supports you.

 

But most importantly is there for you whether life goes up and down and you’ll know you’ll be fine because you have that special person with you.

 

Father Fate gave me hell but through that dark tunnel, I found the light.

 

I nearly died in the ashes but Chanyeol helped me get a rise from the same ashes.

 

Some have guardian angels, I have a guardian phoenix.

 

And we lived happily ever after.

 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, can you believe it? Once Upon A Time series has reached its end after nearly a year. I'm actually feeling pretty emotional and proud at the moment as it is the first series and project I've ever finished when it comes to fanfictions and your comments, kudos, and subscribers have really been a big part off of it. I'm so grateful to all of you, thank you guys for everything for being with me through this journey that had it's ups and downs when it came to updating. 
> 
> Thanks everyone <3 
> 
> Love, SwedishFanFictionLover

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter of the last story in the series TTATT It feels bittersweet somehow, this whole series has meant a lot to me and helped me find what kind of author I am and how I work in the best way for myself. And Jennie's story is a bit of a catylasator to all the other stories, I hope you guys can find the hints in how it is so in the future chappies :D
> 
> Anyways, what did you guys think about the first chapter? Was it good, intriguing or awful? XD  
> Please leave comments down below or a kudos :D 
> 
> I will have the next chapter out by next week and just a heads up guys, in two weeks (possible one depending on if the teacher's want us to start reading one week before everything starts) university starts up again for me which means I'll have less time for writing ff's BUT I will not abondon any stories of mine! It's just that chapters might come a bit later than usual or with varied gaps of time inbetween but just know that they will come no matter what :)
> 
> Love, your dear author <3


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